I've had some blog ideas neatly organized in Evernote (whom I love dearly and yes, my ever reliable Evernote is a person to me.) I was flipping through them today since I felt like writing and had a quiet moment. I saw a note on my list about doing a baby update. I scrolled through my blog posts with the sinking realization that I had not updated my nearly non-existent and mostly hypothetical blog audience that H4 will be joining our family in early December. Whoops.
So, to my dear sweet H4, Mama is sorry! Failing to blog about you does not mean I love you less. If you read this years from now, please know that I totally made you "Facebook Official" when we were nine weeks pregnant and you are the subject of many status updates, text messages to Grammie and conversations between your siblings. (They are FASCINATED with you and very excited to meet you!) Also, please know that practically anyone that reads this blog already knows me and is probably related to us or on my Facebook page.
We're in Week 30 or 31, depending on who is counting. The calendar method used by the US doctors puts me at 31 weeks. The ultrasound and common-sense approach used by the German doctors says 20 weeks. One week difference doesn't sound like much, but with this pregnancy it is! I prefer the later due date since I know my track record with having babies on or before my so-called due date is nil. I've shown up for my 40 or 41 week checks with the midwife and she's found a "Gone Fishing" sign on my uterus. Really, we don't "progress" well. I'm also in favor the later due date because the doctors I'm seeing here in Kansas are strongly pushing for an early delivery.
The difference between the German OB and the US OBs is remarkable. The German OB was pretty much unconcerned about my prior placental abruption. His words were "Well, yes. That is a small risk. It will happen or it will not happen, but we can't predict it or stop it. We'll just treat it quickly if it happens and you know the signs now so you'll know what is happening." End of story. The OB practice here in the States is much more concerned about what happened. They've been over my medical records, ordered a bunch of tests, asked me a million questions about my history and came to the definitive conclusion that they have no idea why it happened. On one hand they say the risk of a second occurrence is nearly as small as the risk the first time and there's no reason to expect it will happen again. On the other hand, it happened and they don't know why, so they're afraid it might happen again. Personally, I think I prefer the German attitude.
The OBs are really pushing me for an early delivery. They say that in terms of risk management, it's important to avoid the time frame of the last abruption. (Mine was at 40 weeks and 4 days, pretty late in the game! A real blessing for DeeDee, so at least she was a big, strong, well-developed sick baby!) Depending on the doctor, I've been pushed for a scheduled c-section as early as 38 weeks and as late as 40 weeks. One of the providers is willing to attempt a VBAC with me but still wants to induce early. (More on the VBAC induction later!) The doctors have said their practice is "very conservative" which I take to mean "highly risk averse." They very much prefers the control and "neat" approach of scheduled c-sections for repeat offenders like myself and especially one with an abruption and large babies in her medical history.
The doctors may think I'm unimpressed by the risk or severity of what happened since I am highly resistant to their risk mitigation efforts. The reality is that both Soldier and I have had a very strong conviction that H4 belonged to our family well before he was conceived. We struggled with the risk, the fear and worry for months before obeying. So, in a nutshell, we're over it. I firmly believe this will be a nice boring pregnancy and delivery and that H4 and I will come through safe and sound. From a logic standpoint, I don't see the need to worry about an outcome the doctors have said is so unlikely and minimal. I think H4 is probably safer in my belly until he's good and ready to come out than pushing things to happen earlier than necessary.
For now, I'm sticking with an OB in the practice that seems more willing to compromise and is frank about her concerns and struggles in weighing my risks and delivery plans. We've struck a compromise on the due date: halfway between the later due date I prefer and the earlier calendar-method due date. She's also on board with attempting a VBAC with me and waiting to attempt an "induction" until our compromised due date, which I appreciate. I'm still not entirely on board with this plan since the "induction" isn't a true induction. Apparently, the cervical gels and pitocin drugs are not used on patients with prior c-sections. So, the plan is to break my water and wait 24 hours in the hospital and see if any contractions start. If contractions start on their own, small doses of pitocin are used to "augment" labor. There are two problems with this plan, as I see it. One is that I have to be somewhat dilated (The OB is hoping for a good 3 cm) to break the water. My track record for dilating early is seriously NOT good. (Remember the "Gone Fishing" sign?) The other problem is that once the amniotic membrane is ruptured, there's pretty much a countdown started on delivery. 24 hours is generally the benchmark for a decision. If I'm not in some hot 'n heavy labor by then, they will move to a c-section because of the risk of infection from the open amniotic sac. (This risk, by the way, is highly debated in natural birth circles and is not conclusive, in my assessment.) So....I feel like there's still a very good chance that I could end up on the OR table. I was NOT a fan of the first c-section and I really don't want one again. (Really....I feel like that should be saved for a life or death situation!)
So, there's the baby update for 30 or 31 or 30.5 weeks and counting! Everyone is happy and healthy. I'm confident and calm most of the time, but I have made sure my Living Will and Medical Power of Attorney papers are up-to-date and accurate. I've also used this as an opportunity to teach MonsterBoy some "Emergency Preparedness" skills like reciting his home address, dialing 911 on the house phone, dialing Soldier, Grammie or Grandpa on my cell phone, etc.
And to Baby H4....We love you and can't wait to see your sweet face! (We know he's a BOY but he hid is face very well in every ultrasound!)
Thursday, October 3, 2013
Friday, September 27, 2013
Made it to Fall Break!
Today marks the end of our first 8 weeks of home school. When I planned our schedule for this year, I opted to start a little early and do 8 weeks on and 1 week off, to give us (ME!) a break and time to regroup, if needed. No joke, I think I'm more giddy about the idea of week off than the kiddos!
As I sit here at the end of our 8 week session, I feel OK with what we have done. We are on schedule, according to our curriculum schedules. Monster Boy is hitting all of his benchmarks and doing well on his assessments. Bunny Girl is doing MUCH better with the curriculum changes we made a few weeks ago. The ABEKA K4 moves at a pace that is much more suited to her current level and needs and she is GLOWING with good results now!
We're done with swim lessons for this fall, which is a wonderful thing! I had hoped to continue through November, but it really, really makes our week easier to not run back and forth to the pool twice a week. That, combined with a small change to how our daily routine goes, has made a WORLD of difference in our ability to get work done, with smiles all around! Monster Boy and I are now doing Phonics and Math after lunch, as soon as the girlies go down for their nap. We originally were doing this in the morning, since I thought Bunny Girl would listen in. However, it's very clear that he is moving much faster in those subjects than she is ready for. I also realized that I was fielding so many interruptions from the girls that it was taking us 2 to 2.5 hours to get through the lessons that should have taken an hour, MAX. Now, we do our Bible lesson together in the morning, then our read-aloud books, history and some science. Bunny Girl comes and goes as she feels like. We typically have time for an art project and some writing before lunch. It's awesome!
Our plans for this week are to do a fun day-trip somewhere. (Tossing around a couple of ideas, depending on the weather! This prego much prefers air conditioning if it's above 85 degrees outside!) We also have a couple of playdates and lunches planned. I've got a doctor's appointment, a board meeting and a (hopefully) brief training meeting to attend. I do plan to sneak some school-ish stuff in this week. Monster Boy could stand to have some extra Math Facts practice and Bunny Girl could always use some reinforcement of her letters!
So...off we go to fall break! Happy Fall, y'all!
As I sit here at the end of our 8 week session, I feel OK with what we have done. We are on schedule, according to our curriculum schedules. Monster Boy is hitting all of his benchmarks and doing well on his assessments. Bunny Girl is doing MUCH better with the curriculum changes we made a few weeks ago. The ABEKA K4 moves at a pace that is much more suited to her current level and needs and she is GLOWING with good results now!
We're done with swim lessons for this fall, which is a wonderful thing! I had hoped to continue through November, but it really, really makes our week easier to not run back and forth to the pool twice a week. That, combined with a small change to how our daily routine goes, has made a WORLD of difference in our ability to get work done, with smiles all around! Monster Boy and I are now doing Phonics and Math after lunch, as soon as the girlies go down for their nap. We originally were doing this in the morning, since I thought Bunny Girl would listen in. However, it's very clear that he is moving much faster in those subjects than she is ready for. I also realized that I was fielding so many interruptions from the girls that it was taking us 2 to 2.5 hours to get through the lessons that should have taken an hour, MAX. Now, we do our Bible lesson together in the morning, then our read-aloud books, history and some science. Bunny Girl comes and goes as she feels like. We typically have time for an art project and some writing before lunch. It's awesome!
Our plans for this week are to do a fun day-trip somewhere. (Tossing around a couple of ideas, depending on the weather! This prego much prefers air conditioning if it's above 85 degrees outside!) We also have a couple of playdates and lunches planned. I've got a doctor's appointment, a board meeting and a (hopefully) brief training meeting to attend. I do plan to sneak some school-ish stuff in this week. Monster Boy could stand to have some extra Math Facts practice and Bunny Girl could always use some reinforcement of her letters!
So...off we go to fall break! Happy Fall, y'all!
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
The BEST year of your life...?
I've been posting a LOT about home school, so I thought I'd do an Army-ish update. As you know, we are currently at a "school" assignment. It's about a nine month course and Soldier's class is conveniently synced with the traditional school year. Students roll into town in July, class starts in August, graduation is in early June and everyone leaves town by the end of June.
In terms of his career, this is an important assignment and a great opportunity for professional development. In fact, military friends (Soldiers and Spouses alike) raved about this assignment and called it :the BEST year of their life. First of all, I love all my friends, but I really, really HOPE that a year of Army schooling is not the Best Year of My Life. Secondly, I began to hear this phrase so much that it felt like a punchline to a joke I didn't know yet.
As of right now, I'm thinking I was right and that I've figured out the joke. This is NOT the best year of our lives and maybe not even the best year of our Army life. So far, this year is kind of a bummer. (Though, I keep getting told that it gets better. We'll see if I still feel the same way in January or March.) In fact, I'm very discouraged on Army Life right now and Soldier's Army career, which is a HUGE switch for me. (See the blog title, yeah, exactly.) But, here's what I'm seeing:
1. The Army is becoming very competitive, which is great in some ways. And horrible in other ways. Soldiers are being told going into this course that if they are not the #1 ranked officer in their OERs, they should say good-bye to dreams of battalion commands and careers beyond the next year or two.
2. The party line for this school is "School comes first, then your family, then hobbies/education/etc." I think MANY of us that have gone through multiple deployments will have a problem with this. YES, school is important but, seriously, no one is going to die if someone misses a class or a test. I've seen this played out in several ways. Soldier was denied a pass to travel and pick up my car when it arrived because repeating Sexual Harassment training for the second time in six monhts was more urgent. Families that are entitled to 10 days of Paternity Leave for adoption or the birth of a child are being told "Well, legally, we're required to give you the time off. But you still have to complete all of your assignments and tests on time, not late and not early." Overall, we are getting the message that family is NOT a priority.
3. Future assignments are a hot button topic. We (the spouses) all know that the next key assignment involves long hours, sleeping on cots in the office and Blackberries ringing at all hours of the night. We've JUST come off of two really busy jobs, deployments, plus having a bunch of babies. Germany was supposed to be our "break" and that never materialized in our whirlwind semester abroad.
Overall, the tone and feeling I'm getting is a retro one: "If the Army wanted you to have a family, you would have been issued one." I don't like what this forecasts for Soldier's future Army Career and, quite honestly, it has me questioning whether or not Army Life is worth it. Job Stability, health care benefits, retirement plans were all key benefits to staying in the Army, but all of these have been threatened recently due to political circumstances. Now, the outlook for our family is looking pretty bleak, too. I'm rally starting to wonder if our friends that have ETS'd made the better choice.
In terms of his career, this is an important assignment and a great opportunity for professional development. In fact, military friends (Soldiers and Spouses alike) raved about this assignment and called it :the BEST year of their life. First of all, I love all my friends, but I really, really HOPE that a year of Army schooling is not the Best Year of My Life. Secondly, I began to hear this phrase so much that it felt like a punchline to a joke I didn't know yet.
As of right now, I'm thinking I was right and that I've figured out the joke. This is NOT the best year of our lives and maybe not even the best year of our Army life. So far, this year is kind of a bummer. (Though, I keep getting told that it gets better. We'll see if I still feel the same way in January or March.) In fact, I'm very discouraged on Army Life right now and Soldier's Army career, which is a HUGE switch for me. (See the blog title, yeah, exactly.) But, here's what I'm seeing:
1. The Army is becoming very competitive, which is great in some ways. And horrible in other ways. Soldiers are being told going into this course that if they are not the #1 ranked officer in their OERs, they should say good-bye to dreams of battalion commands and careers beyond the next year or two.
2. The party line for this school is "School comes first, then your family, then hobbies/education/etc." I think MANY of us that have gone through multiple deployments will have a problem with this. YES, school is important but, seriously, no one is going to die if someone misses a class or a test. I've seen this played out in several ways. Soldier was denied a pass to travel and pick up my car when it arrived because repeating Sexual Harassment training for the second time in six monhts was more urgent. Families that are entitled to 10 days of Paternity Leave for adoption or the birth of a child are being told "Well, legally, we're required to give you the time off. But you still have to complete all of your assignments and tests on time, not late and not early." Overall, we are getting the message that family is NOT a priority.
3. Future assignments are a hot button topic. We (the spouses) all know that the next key assignment involves long hours, sleeping on cots in the office and Blackberries ringing at all hours of the night. We've JUST come off of two really busy jobs, deployments, plus having a bunch of babies. Germany was supposed to be our "break" and that never materialized in our whirlwind semester abroad.
Overall, the tone and feeling I'm getting is a retro one: "If the Army wanted you to have a family, you would have been issued one." I don't like what this forecasts for Soldier's future Army Career and, quite honestly, it has me questioning whether or not Army Life is worth it. Job Stability, health care benefits, retirement plans were all key benefits to staying in the Army, but all of these have been threatened recently due to political circumstances. Now, the outlook for our family is looking pretty bleak, too. I'm rally starting to wonder if our friends that have ETS'd made the better choice.
Monday, September 9, 2013
Hard Won Victory!
On Sunday, when we picked up BunnyGirl from Children's Church, she came out to show off her artwork from that morning. When I admired her art, my motherly admiration turned to shock when I realized she had written her name at the top of her paper. All. By. Herself. Seriously. I was simply blown away. She had the right letters, in the right order, in a straight line and it was quite legible. She even remembered to capitalize the first letter.
Look, I know my kid is not the first to write her name. But, I'm thrilled over this. We have LABORED, and I mean HARD LABOR, over our handwriting for the last six weeks. There were tears, frustration and anger; from her, from me, from both of us sometimes. I struggled with explaining things to her. She struggled with understanding what I wanted. We're just both so new to this that we're learning together. She has a tremendous heart and kept trying, even when she was discouraged and frustrated. Even when I begged her to give it a break because I was pulling my hair out over the letter A that looked more like an H. She's got the desire to learn and WANTS to do so much but she just needs some foundation first. I've found teaching her cute little preschool self much harder than the Kinder and 1st Grade work I'm doing with MonsterBoy and I think it's because she wants to race ahead and I forget that she needs the basics. We struggled so much that I literally could not bring myself to make the phone call withdrawing her from the very popular preschool program until the week after school started. (Yes, I'm terrible and I'm very sorry to the parents that we waiting and hoping for her coveted morning 3yo slot!)
So, tonight I celebrate this victory, a neat little name written at the top of her paper. I'm so proud of my determined little BunnyGirl.
Look, I know my kid is not the first to write her name. But, I'm thrilled over this. We have LABORED, and I mean HARD LABOR, over our handwriting for the last six weeks. There were tears, frustration and anger; from her, from me, from both of us sometimes. I struggled with explaining things to her. She struggled with understanding what I wanted. We're just both so new to this that we're learning together. She has a tremendous heart and kept trying, even when she was discouraged and frustrated. Even when I begged her to give it a break because I was pulling my hair out over the letter A that looked more like an H. She's got the desire to learn and WANTS to do so much but she just needs some foundation first. I've found teaching her cute little preschool self much harder than the Kinder and 1st Grade work I'm doing with MonsterBoy and I think it's because she wants to race ahead and I forget that she needs the basics. We struggled so much that I literally could not bring myself to make the phone call withdrawing her from the very popular preschool program until the week after school started. (Yes, I'm terrible and I'm very sorry to the parents that we waiting and hoping for her coveted morning 3yo slot!)
So, tonight I celebrate this victory, a neat little name written at the top of her paper. I'm so proud of my determined little BunnyGirl.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Welcome to the Neighborhood, Where's your next Duty Station?
We've been in our current home for just over two months. This is a school assignment so pretty much everyone plans on being a short-timer around here. We arrived in July, class started in August. Graduation will be in June and everyone hits the road to their next duty station by July 1st, to make room for the new bunch. The mamas in our neighborhood tend to gather at the playground in the mornings and I can't help but laugh at how we complain about still needing to get those last couple of boxes out of the house in one breath and discuss our hopes or plans for the next duty station in the next breath.
The "next PCS" is so much a part of our reality that it seems totally normal to have those discussions. Even our kiddos accept this reality; MonsterBoy has asked how long we'll be in this house and whether or not he can have his own bedroom at the next house. He wasn't worried, just curious about it. I can't imagine what a "normal" person must think of this.
Despite this sense of normal, the camaraderie over our frequent moves and the excitement of the thrill to come, I've realized we need to be careful to live HERE and NOW. It's tempting to spend our time daydreaming about what's coming, planning our strategy for the next PCS road trip, and fantasizing that this move will be the one where we get The House. In doing that, we may miss fun opportunities to enjoy the moments here: peace and contentment of our happy little home, the charm of the town you currently live in and the memories you can make here and now.
I'm a planner by nature, but I am really, really trying to SLOW DOWN our pace here, even if it's just home for a year, to focus on family memories, make traditions and savoring the experience.
The "next PCS" is so much a part of our reality that it seems totally normal to have those discussions. Even our kiddos accept this reality; MonsterBoy has asked how long we'll be in this house and whether or not he can have his own bedroom at the next house. He wasn't worried, just curious about it. I can't imagine what a "normal" person must think of this.
Despite this sense of normal, the camaraderie over our frequent moves and the excitement of the thrill to come, I've realized we need to be careful to live HERE and NOW. It's tempting to spend our time daydreaming about what's coming, planning our strategy for the next PCS road trip, and fantasizing that this move will be the one where we get The House. In doing that, we may miss fun opportunities to enjoy the moments here: peace and contentment of our happy little home, the charm of the town you currently live in and the memories you can make here and now.
I'm a planner by nature, but I am really, really trying to SLOW DOWN our pace here, even if it's just home for a year, to focus on family memories, make traditions and savoring the experience.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Suddenly September
Today is September 3rd. Labor Day has come and gone. Though the temps here in Kansas are still BLAZING, Autumn is coming. (Apparently.) I'm happy to mark four weeks of successful home schooling in our house. We had some WINS and we had some flops, but we're still trucking.
I've joked to Soldier and a few others that we're doing the school work but I wasn't really sure if LEARNING was happening. Then, one day during week three, Monster Boy came to me with an apple. The apple had a wedge in it he had painstakingly carved out with a kid-safe knife. He points to the apple and says "Look, Mom! This apple is like the Earth! It has layers. The skin is like the ground we stand on, then there's the big layer in the middle and the core at the center." No joke, I seriously wanted to jump around on my couch Tom-Cruise-on-Oprah-Style and shout "LEARNING IS HAPPENING!!!!" I did manage to refrain myself because, let's be honest: If I started jumping on the couch, Monster Boy would be the first to pick up that torch!
Since then, I've been so gratified to see other signs that what we are doing is WORKING. It's amazing to see this process unfold. I still think we (I) have a lot to do and a long way to go. I'd like to be MORE hands on for Monster Boy. By nature, I am very routine and methodical. That is not his personality and I need to do better with that. I also feel like we are blowing through the lessons very quickly and that they might be a little easy for him. I've gone back and forth on this: Should we add in more since he seems interested? Or do I ride it out since the beginning of the year usually contains some review from the previous year and hope we get to new/more challenging material sooner? I'm also struggling with a depth vs breadth question. He's fascinated by our history and science books. I could go Pinterest crazy and we could slow our curriculum down and spend DAYS adding in project and extra exploration. Sugar cube pyramids for the Egyptian lessons? Construct a Viking Longboat? A Bazillion Science Experiments? I think he'd love those those and our curriculum includes some. But, do I do more? Even more, MORE? How much is "enough?" My sensible (and lazy/Pinterest-hating) side says to take a chill pill...this is Kindergarten: we're looking for general exposure not in-depth analysis. I also believe that free play, art exploration, and just being a BOY is important and normal. Plus, I really hate Pinterest.
Bunny Girl is an interesting case. She surprised me by her intense desire to learn and do what brother is doing. She started off strong, so I gave her the same work as Monster Boy. She hung in there for about 10 days and sometime during week three, her sweet three-year-old brain became full and she just stopped retaining info. I suspect two problems: I jumped ahead too far for her and we moved too fast. She lacked some foundation skills that Monster Boy has. Her number and letter identification is hit-or-miss, so the Kindergarten Phonics and Numbers we were using was just too much. But, I LOVE her determination for trying. I spent the last two weeks trying to "modify" our lessons for her and make-up activities to supplement, but it just wasn't working. She really LOVES Monster Boys colorful worksheets from Abeka. This probably falls under the category of rookie mistake, but I had purchased an extra set of K workbooks when she showed an interest. We tried to use them over the last two weeks but I just felt like there was no benefit and that I was "wasting" worksheets that should be totally appropriate for her next year. So, I've pulled her stash of the K books from the shelves and ordered (yet another) set of workbooks for her but in the K4 level. This seems to be more number/letter recognition and a teeny bit of beginning phonics and math concepts. I considered the 3yo books for her, but she's almost four and, based on the descriptions, I really thought she'd be bored. (Plus...the description said it included finger paint activities. Strikes fear in my heart.)
DeeDee is still a blessed third child. Mostly content to play by herself while we are schooling or wander in for snuggles. I'm trying to be intentional about giving her some extra one on one time each day for play and snuggles. My reward is seeing her vocabulary blossom. She's cracking us up with all the new words and phrases she's throwing at is. Our newest favorite is to ask "Who is DeeDee?" while looking around the room at everyone. She slaps her hands to herself, puffs out her chest and announces: "ME!!!" in the sweetest, clearest little baby voice. Love it! We recently purchased a toddler bed for her and will be trying it out in the next two weeks or so. Mayhem and mischief are sure to follow.
I feel like we are still "learning" our new routines. Each week, a new activity has started. Monster Boy started Soccer two weeks ago. Both kiddos started a Wednesday afternoon children's ministry at our church that they are loving and we joined a neighborhood Bible study on Wednesday evenings. The kiddos are also doing swim lessons on Monday and Wednesday mornings. This week we start Acrobatics for Monster Boy and Ballet and Tap classes for Bunny Girl. I made it two months here in KS before I opened my darn mouth to volunteer for things. So, I'm co-facilitating a bible study this semester for PWOC and have accepted a board position for the spouses' club here. Our days feel really crazy right now, but I keep telling myself we just need to get into the swing of things. (Or last until November 1, when soccer and swim take a break for the winter!)
I think the hardest part right now, aside from time management, is my physical limitations. I'm getting round and slooooow. Climbing around on the floor during our school time is getting uncomfortable. I've also have some painful leg swelling and vein issues going on. (Translation: I'm only really comfortable when I'm laying on the couch with my feet resting high on a pillow. Guess how often that happens. Right-o.) I'm managing to stay up on laundry which is a minor miracle. House cleaning is hit or miss. Dinners get made (sometimes) but they are seriously boring and uninspired. Soldier is busy with studying for his Army classes and his Master's classes; he's struggling to balance home time, study time and finding some time for the gym. (You know it's bad when there's no gym time for him. CAUTION: Tread lightly!)
So, my goals for September are:
- Get a little messier in school for Monster Boy
- Strike a better balance for Bunny Girl
- Transition DeeDee to a toddler bed
- Try to balance the family schedule/routine
- Try out the very ugly and very thick compression stockings that arrived today. (Yes, I know. The Shame. But, seriously, desperate times call for desperate measures.)
I've joked to Soldier and a few others that we're doing the school work but I wasn't really sure if LEARNING was happening. Then, one day during week three, Monster Boy came to me with an apple. The apple had a wedge in it he had painstakingly carved out with a kid-safe knife. He points to the apple and says "Look, Mom! This apple is like the Earth! It has layers. The skin is like the ground we stand on, then there's the big layer in the middle and the core at the center." No joke, I seriously wanted to jump around on my couch Tom-Cruise-on-Oprah-Style and shout "LEARNING IS HAPPENING!!!!" I did manage to refrain myself because, let's be honest: If I started jumping on the couch, Monster Boy would be the first to pick up that torch!
Since then, I've been so gratified to see other signs that what we are doing is WORKING. It's amazing to see this process unfold. I still think we (I) have a lot to do and a long way to go. I'd like to be MORE hands on for Monster Boy. By nature, I am very routine and methodical. That is not his personality and I need to do better with that. I also feel like we are blowing through the lessons very quickly and that they might be a little easy for him. I've gone back and forth on this: Should we add in more since he seems interested? Or do I ride it out since the beginning of the year usually contains some review from the previous year and hope we get to new/more challenging material sooner? I'm also struggling with a depth vs breadth question. He's fascinated by our history and science books. I could go Pinterest crazy and we could slow our curriculum down and spend DAYS adding in project and extra exploration. Sugar cube pyramids for the Egyptian lessons? Construct a Viking Longboat? A Bazillion Science Experiments? I think he'd love those those and our curriculum includes some. But, do I do more? Even more, MORE? How much is "enough?" My sensible (and lazy/Pinterest-hating) side says to take a chill pill...this is Kindergarten: we're looking for general exposure not in-depth analysis. I also believe that free play, art exploration, and just being a BOY is important and normal. Plus, I really hate Pinterest.
Bunny Girl is an interesting case. She surprised me by her intense desire to learn and do what brother is doing. She started off strong, so I gave her the same work as Monster Boy. She hung in there for about 10 days and sometime during week three, her sweet three-year-old brain became full and she just stopped retaining info. I suspect two problems: I jumped ahead too far for her and we moved too fast. She lacked some foundation skills that Monster Boy has. Her number and letter identification is hit-or-miss, so the Kindergarten Phonics and Numbers we were using was just too much. But, I LOVE her determination for trying. I spent the last two weeks trying to "modify" our lessons for her and make-up activities to supplement, but it just wasn't working. She really LOVES Monster Boys colorful worksheets from Abeka. This probably falls under the category of rookie mistake, but I had purchased an extra set of K workbooks when she showed an interest. We tried to use them over the last two weeks but I just felt like there was no benefit and that I was "wasting" worksheets that should be totally appropriate for her next year. So, I've pulled her stash of the K books from the shelves and ordered (yet another) set of workbooks for her but in the K4 level. This seems to be more number/letter recognition and a teeny bit of beginning phonics and math concepts. I considered the 3yo books for her, but she's almost four and, based on the descriptions, I really thought she'd be bored. (Plus...the description said it included finger paint activities. Strikes fear in my heart.)
DeeDee is still a blessed third child. Mostly content to play by herself while we are schooling or wander in for snuggles. I'm trying to be intentional about giving her some extra one on one time each day for play and snuggles. My reward is seeing her vocabulary blossom. She's cracking us up with all the new words and phrases she's throwing at is. Our newest favorite is to ask "Who is DeeDee?" while looking around the room at everyone. She slaps her hands to herself, puffs out her chest and announces: "ME!!!" in the sweetest, clearest little baby voice. Love it! We recently purchased a toddler bed for her and will be trying it out in the next two weeks or so. Mayhem and mischief are sure to follow.
I feel like we are still "learning" our new routines. Each week, a new activity has started. Monster Boy started Soccer two weeks ago. Both kiddos started a Wednesday afternoon children's ministry at our church that they are loving and we joined a neighborhood Bible study on Wednesday evenings. The kiddos are also doing swim lessons on Monday and Wednesday mornings. This week we start Acrobatics for Monster Boy and Ballet and Tap classes for Bunny Girl. I made it two months here in KS before I opened my darn mouth to volunteer for things. So, I'm co-facilitating a bible study this semester for PWOC and have accepted a board position for the spouses' club here. Our days feel really crazy right now, but I keep telling myself we just need to get into the swing of things. (Or last until November 1, when soccer and swim take a break for the winter!)
I think the hardest part right now, aside from time management, is my physical limitations. I'm getting round and slooooow. Climbing around on the floor during our school time is getting uncomfortable. I've also have some painful leg swelling and vein issues going on. (Translation: I'm only really comfortable when I'm laying on the couch with my feet resting high on a pillow. Guess how often that happens. Right-o.) I'm managing to stay up on laundry which is a minor miracle. House cleaning is hit or miss. Dinners get made (sometimes) but they are seriously boring and uninspired. Soldier is busy with studying for his Army classes and his Master's classes; he's struggling to balance home time, study time and finding some time for the gym. (You know it's bad when there's no gym time for him. CAUTION: Tread lightly!)
So, my goals for September are:
- Get a little messier in school for Monster Boy
- Strike a better balance for Bunny Girl
- Transition DeeDee to a toddler bed
- Try to balance the family schedule/routine
- Try out the very ugly and very thick compression stockings that arrived today. (Yes, I know. The Shame. But, seriously, desperate times call for desperate measures.)
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Panic!
In case you were wondering, it took exactly seven days of home school for panic to set it. It also happens to be the day that public school starts in our area. Coincidence? Probably not!
Yesterday, as we were cruising to swim lessons, Monster Boy asked me when he would be starting Kindergarten.
Uhhhh. What?
"We already started Kindergarten, honey. That's what we are going in Mommy School."
"No, Mama. When am I going to the big school with all the other kids???"
I did my best to explain that there are many ways to go to school: one is going to the big school and another is doing school at home with Mommy. I can't help but feel that the conversation didn't go well because he seemed disappointed. Now, perhaps he was just miffed he didn't get a spiffy new backpack or a ride on the big yellow bus. I don't know. I wanted to be so careful in my answer because I didn't want to paint either option in a better light, give him false fears of going to school without mommy, or anything like that. In the end, it was enough to trigger a massive onslaught of Mommy-Anxiety.
I've spent the last 24 hours in a mild to moderate state of anxiety over various related and unrelated worries. (Because you know anxiety is not rational.)
What if he WANTS to be in school with other kids?
What if he would actually assimilate just fine and I'm hovering?
How do I know he's actually learning anything?
Why did I commit to this if I wasn't sure I could do it forever? Isn't that mean to throw him in with the sharks later? (Yes, I know...comparing elementary, middle or high school students to sharks is unfair. Well, maybe not middle schoolers; 13 year olds can be viscous.)
Why did I think I could manage this?
Coinciding with this anxiety episode were a couple of things that magnified the problem:
The First Day of school at public schools. (Feels like the point of no return. He missed the first day of school. Sh*t just got real.)
Soldier decided to add in a Master's Program to this year of intensive and time-consuming Army study. (Before I was thinking I'd be on my own a lot this year. Now I KNOW it.)
I had to fire our housekeeper. (Frivolous, yes. But, I did get some confidence in knowing I'd have a little bit of help.)
I "overheard" (in the "showed up on my Facebook timeline" sense) a close relative making some very pointed and hurtful remarks about homeschooling.
Finally, toss in a hefty does of pregnancy hormones and you've got a hot mess. Our day of school went exceptionally well, despite my worries and emotional state. I'm feeling VERY overwhelmed and teary. (I blame hormones for those annoying tears!) I'm praying that I can regain my confidence in the decision we made and that it was the right one.
Confession: While I wrote this, I binge ate a bowl of pita chips and hummus, a bowl of blueberry cobbler and three chocolate chip cookies. Gross food comfort.
Yesterday, as we were cruising to swim lessons, Monster Boy asked me when he would be starting Kindergarten.
Uhhhh. What?
"We already started Kindergarten, honey. That's what we are going in Mommy School."
"No, Mama. When am I going to the big school with all the other kids???"
I did my best to explain that there are many ways to go to school: one is going to the big school and another is doing school at home with Mommy. I can't help but feel that the conversation didn't go well because he seemed disappointed. Now, perhaps he was just miffed he didn't get a spiffy new backpack or a ride on the big yellow bus. I don't know. I wanted to be so careful in my answer because I didn't want to paint either option in a better light, give him false fears of going to school without mommy, or anything like that. In the end, it was enough to trigger a massive onslaught of Mommy-Anxiety.
I've spent the last 24 hours in a mild to moderate state of anxiety over various related and unrelated worries. (Because you know anxiety is not rational.)
What if he WANTS to be in school with other kids?
What if he would actually assimilate just fine and I'm hovering?
How do I know he's actually learning anything?
Why did I commit to this if I wasn't sure I could do it forever? Isn't that mean to throw him in with the sharks later? (Yes, I know...comparing elementary, middle or high school students to sharks is unfair. Well, maybe not middle schoolers; 13 year olds can be viscous.)
Why did I think I could manage this?
Coinciding with this anxiety episode were a couple of things that magnified the problem:
The First Day of school at public schools. (Feels like the point of no return. He missed the first day of school. Sh*t just got real.)
Soldier decided to add in a Master's Program to this year of intensive and time-consuming Army study. (Before I was thinking I'd be on my own a lot this year. Now I KNOW it.)
I had to fire our housekeeper. (Frivolous, yes. But, I did get some confidence in knowing I'd have a little bit of help.)
I "overheard" (in the "showed up on my Facebook timeline" sense) a close relative making some very pointed and hurtful remarks about homeschooling.
Finally, toss in a hefty does of pregnancy hormones and you've got a hot mess. Our day of school went exceptionally well, despite my worries and emotional state. I'm feeling VERY overwhelmed and teary. (I blame hormones for those annoying tears!) I'm praying that I can regain my confidence in the decision we made and that it was the right one.
Confession: While I wrote this, I binge ate a bowl of pita chips and hummus, a bowl of blueberry cobbler and three chocolate chip cookies. Gross food comfort.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Week One Down
We survived week one. I have no clue whether or not learning is happening but we are getting work done and everyone seems happy and excited. The kiddos woke up on Saturday morning asking to do Mommy School. (Today's Lesson: Definition of SATURDAY! Mama's off duty!)
Seriously, though, I'm thrilled with their enthusiasm and couldn't resist their pleas for MORE SCHOOL! We read from some of their books. (They are currently obsessed with the first Boxcar Children book.)
We also played around with the math manipulatives set I bought for the Saxon Math. Yes, I know I could have pieced it together from stuff here at home or bought it piece meal, but I need EASY right now!
I also purchased the Well Planned Day at the recommendation of several friends. I have all these lovely lesson plans, but still find myself flipping madly through binders trying to remember what it is we were supposed to be doing that morning. I'll be giving it a whirl next week. I spent about 90 minutes this morning jotting notes in it on next week's lesson plan and shuffling some lessons around. If anything, forcing myself to sit and really read over the lessons ahead of time was probably very useful.
Seriously, though, I'm thrilled with their enthusiasm and couldn't resist their pleas for MORE SCHOOL! We read from some of their books. (They are currently obsessed with the first Boxcar Children book.)
We also played around with the math manipulatives set I bought for the Saxon Math. Yes, I know I could have pieced it together from stuff here at home or bought it piece meal, but I need EASY right now!
I also purchased the Well Planned Day at the recommendation of several friends. I have all these lovely lesson plans, but still find myself flipping madly through binders trying to remember what it is we were supposed to be doing that morning. I'll be giving it a whirl next week. I spent about 90 minutes this morning jotting notes in it on next week's lesson plan and shuffling some lessons around. If anything, forcing myself to sit and really read over the lessons ahead of time was probably very useful.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Off to School We Go
Day One of “Mommy School” is under our belts and I have a moment to catch my breath. Here’s our school roundup for this year:
1 Abeka Phonics K – I’ve heard nothing but rave
reviews about it, so we are giving it a whirl with Monster Boy. Surprise
discovery of today was that BunnyGirl was really into it and very put out that
she did not have her own worksheets. I’m
debating Xeroxing them, but suspect it would be cheaper and faster to just buy
an extra workbook.
2. Sonlight Language Arts – Love all the books in
this curriculum. I’m partial to real
books and really want my children to develop a love for reading. Sonlight’s phonics approach is very…um…flexible
and student paced? OK, the truth is I
just don’t get it. So, I’m using Abeka, too.
Sonlight seems to have a more open philosophy that kids will simply
absorb the phonics through read-alouds, but I’m not quite that trusting. Give me some flashcards and rules for
sounding it out anyday! I learned to
read with phonics, so that’s probably why that’s clearly my comfort zone.
3. Sonlight World Cultures – This is part of their Curriculum A. It’s not totally necessary in Kindergarten, but I love the books (again) and love the discussions it promtps with the kiddos. Also, surprise from MonsterBoy was that the Usborne Children’s Encyclopedia is by far is favorite book! He’s obsessed with it and I’m thrilled with that.
3. Sonlight World Cultures – This is part of their Curriculum A. It’s not totally necessary in Kindergarten, but I love the books (again) and love the discussions it promtps with the kiddos. Also, surprise from MonsterBoy was that the Usborne Children’s Encyclopedia is by far is favorite book! He’s obsessed with it and I’m thrilled with that.
4.
Saxon Math 1 – This one I’m still a tad
undecided about. I suspect that Math U
See might be better for my super kinesthetic learner, but Saxon’s teaching
approach is easier for me to grasp. So, do I work to adapt the kinesthetic
approach to something my brain can handle or do I start with something my brain
handles and adapt it to him? I’m using
Saxon, but am hoping to include as many manipluatives and visual elements as
possible. If it’s not working at the end
of this 8 weeks, I’ll scrap it and jump to Math U See. I don’t think it’s a huge crisis for us since
he’s already got a pretty good basis for numbers, counting, patterns, shapes,
ordinal numbers and simple addition and subtraction. (Thus the reason we jumped to 1 vs the Kinder
level)
5.
Handwriting without Tears – I purchased both the
1 and the K workbooks. MonsterBoy is a pretty proficient writer and BunnyGirl
seems ready to jump in. I started with
one slate but they both really love it, so I purchased another since they were
pretty cheap and a great hands-on activity.
We started off today with swim lessons. (PE, anyone?!) Big hit for MonsterBoy, surprise hissy fit
from Bunny girl. I was pretty surprised
because she’s been enthusiastic about it before and has done all the skills
previously. Meh. Chalk it up to a
mystery and we’ll try again on Wednesday!
When we got home, I was ready to jump into school mode. Soldier and I decorated our basement and
school area with streamers and filled with balloons. Huge hit! The kiddos were super impressed and
excited about it. Maybe a tad too
impressed and excited?? I had a full day of school planned and didn’t quite
plan for balloon-madness and general chaos.
It was very hard to marshall their attention for any length of time. I
was getting frustrated as the slogged through our first Bible lesson and “circle
time” with the calendar, weather and counting.
We counted to thirty with balloons and I needed to regroup. Yup…I had yelled.
A whopping 35 minutes into our school year. Awesome. Incidentally, I was able
to take comfort in our verse of the day A- All have sinned and fall short of
the glory of God. Romans 3:23 [MEMORIZED. BOOM] It was a good reminder that I
will not be perfect in this and will fall short, many, many times this year but
by the grace of God I can ask forgiveness and try again. I left them downstairs smashing through the
balloon piles and retreated to the kitchen where I consoled myself with Hershey
Kisses and a pep-talk. (“It will get better once we have a routine….it will get
better once we have a routine.”)
I rejoined the fray and grabbed the math book to see what we
were working on today. (So much for advance planning. Whoops.) Can I tell you how thrilled I was to discover
our math lesson was on identifying today’s date? We already went over than during our circle
time. WHOOO-HOOO (And THANK YOU, Lord for small mercies!!!) We
moved on to phonics and everyone really seemed to enjoy that. Even completing the worksheets was a big
hit. Then we went upstairs and they
worked on some handwriting while I prepped lunch. The letter mat with shapes
and the chalkboard Wet-Dry-Try was a HUGE hit with both kids. MonsterBoy made a few letters out of the
shapes, then moved on to constructing tractors and other vehicles with the
shapes. Pretty creative.
After lunch, we took a break and played outside for about 45
minutes. MonsterBoy then asked, yes ASKED, to do more handwriting. Gee golly, YES! He reviewed his capital letters. (Glad I went
with 1 for him…he’d be bored crazy with K!) Then we moved on to the World
Cultures and Science, both of today’s readings were out of the Encyclopedia so
he was thrilled. I also discovered they have a website with links to other
educational sites related to the info on those pages. AWESOME! We played around with the websites
on the Earth’s layers, the atmosphere and a few others for about 30 minutes.
Good stuff. Then we finished with some
snuggling and read-aloud from our Sonlight Readers.
So, we survived. It wasn’t epic, but I had a few wins and
chalk the day up to a success because the kids ASKED to do Mommy School again
tomorrow. YAY!!!!
As a side note, I've deleted my Facebook App from my phone and my iPad in honor of our Homeschool Kick Off. It's not much
but it's a small way of distancing myself from that distraction and freeing up my attention for the kiddos. I
typically only use my laptop every other day or so in the evenings, so
that's a comfortable time frame for me to "catch-up" on Facebooking
without it being too invasive. I realized how deeply entangled I was
today when I saw how frequently I reached for my phone or iPad! I
confess to checking my e-mail obsessively today...partly in substitute
and partly because I am anxiously awaiting a reply to a message I sent
yesterday.
I also realized now was probably the perfect time to re-read Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst. (Deep thoughts from my much needed lunch break outdoor play time. It's amazing what you can think/accomplish when not sucked in to the FB vortex.) Unglued is a bible study on our emotions and controlling them. You know, like that moment when I lose it because no one is paying attention to me except for DeeDee and that’s only because she wants me to unwrap yet another piece of chocolate from our “Welcome to School” Goody-bags. Yeah. Exactly. Time to get back to work on that messy, icky part of me. I feel confident that this year will be a whole lot of stretching, growing and uncomfortable lessons.
I also realized now was probably the perfect time to re-read Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst. (Deep thoughts from my much needed lunch break outdoor play time. It's amazing what you can think/accomplish when not sucked in to the FB vortex.) Unglued is a bible study on our emotions and controlling them. You know, like that moment when I lose it because no one is paying attention to me except for DeeDee and that’s only because she wants me to unwrap yet another piece of chocolate from our “Welcome to School” Goody-bags. Yeah. Exactly. Time to get back to work on that messy, icky part of me. I feel confident that this year will be a whole lot of stretching, growing and uncomfortable lessons.
Forging onward tomorrow!
Friday, August 2, 2013
The one in which we declare our wierdness
Big changes are coming to our household this year...We've decided to take a giant leap of faith and will be homeschooling our MonsterBoy and Bunny Girl.
It's not easy for me to share that here -- outing ourselves as homeschoolers. I'm writing this now, nearly a month after we made the decision, only because I've come to some peace with it. We made this decision knowing that our extended family members and some of our friends will have varying reactions. It's not easy to "go against the flow." Homeschooling has come a LONG way since I first heard of it. (In fifth grade, a friend was pulled from school to be homeschooled and the general concensus was "Horrible, terrible, awful idea.") My views of homeschooling have changed dramatically over the last four years, thanks to some dear friends setting a great example for us. I'm so very, very grateful for these ladies and their kind, loving and non-judgemental support, their honest advice and opinions, and their never-ending patience in answering my ba-zillion questions as we waded through this decision-making process. I am thankful that I can rely on their enthusiastic support and encouragement this year. Reactions have varied among our extended family. Some have withheld judgement and comment so I can't gauge their reaction which is probably a blessing. Some have pledged whole-hearted support, even if I suspect they may not be or may not have been totally on board. (But, can I just say how grateful I am for that unconditional love?) Some have expressed bewilderment nad have peppered us with questions about the process; we've tried to answer as honestly as possible. (Even if the answers are "Um. Yeah, we're going to figure that out as we go.") And, sadly, some have been negative reactions; this has been the hardest to deal with, of course. (My impulse is toward sarcasm. "Oh...thank you for pointing that out. I had not realized how [insert adjective: hard, exhausting, trying, challenging, time-consuming, etc] it would be." Mature, I know. That's why I try to keep my comments in my head.)
I'd like to say, first off, that this decision is NOT a judgement on schooling choices, for anyone. It's merely a reflection of our general parenting philosphy: There's a wide range of normal and acceptable ways to parent our children; we each must make decisions we believe are best for our family and make sure they are decisions we can live with. We believe that homeschooling is simply one of the wide range of options available to us for educating our children.
My dear homeschooling mama friends helped to set me straight on a few homeschooling myths and I am grateful.
1. Most homeschool families aren't in a cult and don't have crazy conspiracy theories about public school brainwashing children.
2. My friends also don't wear denim jumpers. (You might be ridiculed beyond belief and labeled "80's Flashback" if you do.)
3. They like fashion, make-up, going to the movies, listening to music, enjoying desert and a glass of wine. You know, normal stuff.
4. Their children are, in a word, awesome. The homeschool kids I know are well-socialized, outgoing, poised, individuals and generally have a better grasp on holding a conversation with people of diverse backgrounds, ages, interests than most kids.
5. I've also learned that most of my friends don't have a background in education, college isn't a deciding factor, nor is having been homeschooled themselves. Most were not homeschooled, in fact. Some knew before their kids were born they would homeschool. Some decided after school started and wasn't a good fit. Others were more like me: reluctant, semi-unwilling skeptics.
For us, we chose homeschooling because it seems to make sense for us to try right now. We have toyed with the idea for the last few years, but did not share this with many people. We have no clue whether this will be a forever thing and frankly that's waaaaaay too much pressure to deal with at this point. So, we've simply made this decision for RIGHT NOW. Literally, a month to month basis. Worst Case Scenario: In a few months, we call this a failed experiment and we put him in school. He's bright enough and has enough knowledge and skills under his belt that we probably won't ruin his chances at Harvard in Kindergarten.
This started because we worried that MonsterBoy would not do well in a traditional school environment. We saw this in preschool and had one outstanding teacher that helped us identify the cause. He's very high energy and had been labeled a trouble-maker by his previous preschool teachers. We'd get reports that he was bothering the other kids and being disruptive. Finally, last year, when I asked his teacher about this she laughed and said, "No, he's not a trouble maker...he's very, very bored. He picks up the new material in two minutes, finishes his worksheet about three minutes later and then has 20 minutes to be bored while the other kids finish their work." She was incredible and did extra work to plan additional assignments and learning tasks for him, so he stayed engage. Once this started, we didn't have a single problem or complaint. He LOVED school. Unfortunately, our experience has been that exceptional teachers like hers are true gems -- rare, precious and not always available. Sadly for us, she was promoted to Director of the preschool programs in halfway through last year. Suddenly, MonsterBoy reverted to old behaviors and we started getting the same reports each day from his new teachers about his disruptions and bothering the other children. I coached MonsterBoy to ask his teachers for paper and crayons to entertain himself while the otehr kids were working. This worked to occupy him but it always made me a little sad when he came home with 8-12 elaborate vehicle sketches; it seemed like such a wasted opportunity. We worry that this pattern will repeat itself over the next few years and that he will be labeled a trouble-maker, or worse. I'm not saying he's brilliant or the next Einstein, just that he works at a different pace than some other students. With homeschooling, we have the flexibility to move as fast or as slow as needed. If I'm picking his course work, I can select levels that challenge him. I've selected a mix of kindergarten and first grade work for this year, because I believe he can do it.
The other big factor in this is the "Army-ness." There are several compelling Army-related reasons for us. First, I grew up a product of moving schools each year. Generally, it was fine but I did experience some of the troubles of switching school districts and curriculum so frequently. If we continue this for several years, we have the benefit of a consistent learning plan. We also don't have to worry about whether or not the school district in a new location will have programs or educational offerings suitable to him. Second, Army schedules are unpredictable. We never know when Soldier will have time off, beyond two designated block leave periods that are generally during the most expensive travel weeks of the year. With four kids, we can't afford that! Since I control the class schedule, I can plan a week off in February to visit family when flights are cheap. If Soldier's in the field for a month, I can pack up our books and skip town for several weeks to visit family. This year, I'm doing a eight week on, one week off schedule so I have time to regroup and reassess while we experiment. I'm also scheduling a month long break in December when Baby #4 arrives. We will still get the same number of instructional days as the public school. The upside: I can accomplish in 2-4 hours a day when it takes a school 7-8 hours to do because I'm only managing one kid.
The last reason for this decision is something I referenced earlier. While I don't have some big conspiracy theory about public schools, I do question their ability to meet my son's educational needs needs and keep him safe and happy. We won't always have outstanding teachers and we won't always have diligent staff members watching our kids at the schools and on the buses. He won't always have someone who realizes if he isn't mastering a subject. I'm not knocking public school...I'm just saying that I am aware of both the strengths and weaknesses. In general, I find it very troubling that the US has the highest per capita expenditures on public education yet we have some of the most dismal results. There's a big disconnect for me. We've looked into private school and discovered a couple of things. First, private schools do not always have "better teachers" or better programs. Second, with four kids we will NOT be able to float that bill!
I won't lie and pretend this was an easy decision for us. First and foremost: I worried that I wasn't "enough" for this: not smart enough, not organized enough, not disciplined enough, not creative enough, sooooo not patient enough, etc, etc, etc. Those were some HUGE fears for me...especially patience and organization. What if I lost my cool every day or I never got a single thing done?? On the selfish side, I also was reluctant to give up what little free time I have. I don't have much, but it was nice to grocery shop with one kid when the other two were at preschool. Over the last 8 years of Army Life, I've enjoyed participating in activities like PWOC, the spouses' clubs, FRGs and other volunteer outlets. I'm not certain I will have time for all of that. I had ambitions of seeing the inside of a gym later this year and actually trying to regain a shape other than round and jiggly after this baby. I also wanted to go back to school myself at some point and maybe rejoin the workforce that receives pay for our work someday. I felt like I was giving up a lot. And sometimes I still do. This is where my friends came in...turns out they all feel like that. Several shared their personal struggles and dreams; I'm fortified knowing that I'm not alone in my feelings. I'm also encouraged in knowing that normal woman can do this and they still have social lives, hopes, dreams and ambitions. More to the point on school, work and the gym: If I'm being honest, those were all a long way off anyway with #4 coming. So, worrying about that is borrowing trouble.
In the end, we're experimenting this year to see if it works for us. MonsterBoy is bright and has learned a lot in preschool. We're giving it a whirl. If it works, awesome. If it doesn't, no big deal and we'll enroll him in school whenever we need to. I am confident enough in our ability to muddle through that I don't think he'd be terribly behind if that happened. So, onward we go with our grand experiment. I don't have all the answers yet, but we've chosen our curriculum, sketched out a school calendar and a daily routine. The rest, I plan to make up as we go on!
It's not easy for me to share that here -- outing ourselves as homeschoolers. I'm writing this now, nearly a month after we made the decision, only because I've come to some peace with it. We made this decision knowing that our extended family members and some of our friends will have varying reactions. It's not easy to "go against the flow." Homeschooling has come a LONG way since I first heard of it. (In fifth grade, a friend was pulled from school to be homeschooled and the general concensus was "Horrible, terrible, awful idea.") My views of homeschooling have changed dramatically over the last four years, thanks to some dear friends setting a great example for us. I'm so very, very grateful for these ladies and their kind, loving and non-judgemental support, their honest advice and opinions, and their never-ending patience in answering my ba-zillion questions as we waded through this decision-making process. I am thankful that I can rely on their enthusiastic support and encouragement this year. Reactions have varied among our extended family. Some have withheld judgement and comment so I can't gauge their reaction which is probably a blessing. Some have pledged whole-hearted support, even if I suspect they may not be or may not have been totally on board. (But, can I just say how grateful I am for that unconditional love?) Some have expressed bewilderment nad have peppered us with questions about the process; we've tried to answer as honestly as possible. (Even if the answers are "Um. Yeah, we're going to figure that out as we go.") And, sadly, some have been negative reactions; this has been the hardest to deal with, of course. (My impulse is toward sarcasm. "Oh...thank you for pointing that out. I had not realized how [insert adjective: hard, exhausting, trying, challenging, time-consuming, etc] it would be." Mature, I know. That's why I try to keep my comments in my head.)
I'd like to say, first off, that this decision is NOT a judgement on schooling choices, for anyone. It's merely a reflection of our general parenting philosphy: There's a wide range of normal and acceptable ways to parent our children; we each must make decisions we believe are best for our family and make sure they are decisions we can live with. We believe that homeschooling is simply one of the wide range of options available to us for educating our children.
My dear homeschooling mama friends helped to set me straight on a few homeschooling myths and I am grateful.
1. Most homeschool families aren't in a cult and don't have crazy conspiracy theories about public school brainwashing children.
2. My friends also don't wear denim jumpers. (You might be ridiculed beyond belief and labeled "80's Flashback" if you do.)
3. They like fashion, make-up, going to the movies, listening to music, enjoying desert and a glass of wine. You know, normal stuff.
4. Their children are, in a word, awesome. The homeschool kids I know are well-socialized, outgoing, poised, individuals and generally have a better grasp on holding a conversation with people of diverse backgrounds, ages, interests than most kids.
5. I've also learned that most of my friends don't have a background in education, college isn't a deciding factor, nor is having been homeschooled themselves. Most were not homeschooled, in fact. Some knew before their kids were born they would homeschool. Some decided after school started and wasn't a good fit. Others were more like me: reluctant, semi-unwilling skeptics.
For us, we chose homeschooling because it seems to make sense for us to try right now. We have toyed with the idea for the last few years, but did not share this with many people. We have no clue whether this will be a forever thing and frankly that's waaaaaay too much pressure to deal with at this point. So, we've simply made this decision for RIGHT NOW. Literally, a month to month basis. Worst Case Scenario: In a few months, we call this a failed experiment and we put him in school. He's bright enough and has enough knowledge and skills under his belt that we probably won't ruin his chances at Harvard in Kindergarten.
This started because we worried that MonsterBoy would not do well in a traditional school environment. We saw this in preschool and had one outstanding teacher that helped us identify the cause. He's very high energy and had been labeled a trouble-maker by his previous preschool teachers. We'd get reports that he was bothering the other kids and being disruptive. Finally, last year, when I asked his teacher about this she laughed and said, "No, he's not a trouble maker...he's very, very bored. He picks up the new material in two minutes, finishes his worksheet about three minutes later and then has 20 minutes to be bored while the other kids finish their work." She was incredible and did extra work to plan additional assignments and learning tasks for him, so he stayed engage. Once this started, we didn't have a single problem or complaint. He LOVED school. Unfortunately, our experience has been that exceptional teachers like hers are true gems -- rare, precious and not always available. Sadly for us, she was promoted to Director of the preschool programs in halfway through last year. Suddenly, MonsterBoy reverted to old behaviors and we started getting the same reports each day from his new teachers about his disruptions and bothering the other children. I coached MonsterBoy to ask his teachers for paper and crayons to entertain himself while the otehr kids were working. This worked to occupy him but it always made me a little sad when he came home with 8-12 elaborate vehicle sketches; it seemed like such a wasted opportunity. We worry that this pattern will repeat itself over the next few years and that he will be labeled a trouble-maker, or worse. I'm not saying he's brilliant or the next Einstein, just that he works at a different pace than some other students. With homeschooling, we have the flexibility to move as fast or as slow as needed. If I'm picking his course work, I can select levels that challenge him. I've selected a mix of kindergarten and first grade work for this year, because I believe he can do it.
The other big factor in this is the "Army-ness." There are several compelling Army-related reasons for us. First, I grew up a product of moving schools each year. Generally, it was fine but I did experience some of the troubles of switching school districts and curriculum so frequently. If we continue this for several years, we have the benefit of a consistent learning plan. We also don't have to worry about whether or not the school district in a new location will have programs or educational offerings suitable to him. Second, Army schedules are unpredictable. We never know when Soldier will have time off, beyond two designated block leave periods that are generally during the most expensive travel weeks of the year. With four kids, we can't afford that! Since I control the class schedule, I can plan a week off in February to visit family when flights are cheap. If Soldier's in the field for a month, I can pack up our books and skip town for several weeks to visit family. This year, I'm doing a eight week on, one week off schedule so I have time to regroup and reassess while we experiment. I'm also scheduling a month long break in December when Baby #4 arrives. We will still get the same number of instructional days as the public school. The upside: I can accomplish in 2-4 hours a day when it takes a school 7-8 hours to do because I'm only managing one kid.
The last reason for this decision is something I referenced earlier. While I don't have some big conspiracy theory about public schools, I do question their ability to meet my son's educational needs needs and keep him safe and happy. We won't always have outstanding teachers and we won't always have diligent staff members watching our kids at the schools and on the buses. He won't always have someone who realizes if he isn't mastering a subject. I'm not knocking public school...I'm just saying that I am aware of both the strengths and weaknesses. In general, I find it very troubling that the US has the highest per capita expenditures on public education yet we have some of the most dismal results. There's a big disconnect for me. We've looked into private school and discovered a couple of things. First, private schools do not always have "better teachers" or better programs. Second, with four kids we will NOT be able to float that bill!
I won't lie and pretend this was an easy decision for us. First and foremost: I worried that I wasn't "enough" for this: not smart enough, not organized enough, not disciplined enough, not creative enough, sooooo not patient enough, etc, etc, etc. Those were some HUGE fears for me...especially patience and organization. What if I lost my cool every day or I never got a single thing done?? On the selfish side, I also was reluctant to give up what little free time I have. I don't have much, but it was nice to grocery shop with one kid when the other two were at preschool. Over the last 8 years of Army Life, I've enjoyed participating in activities like PWOC, the spouses' clubs, FRGs and other volunteer outlets. I'm not certain I will have time for all of that. I had ambitions of seeing the inside of a gym later this year and actually trying to regain a shape other than round and jiggly after this baby. I also wanted to go back to school myself at some point and maybe rejoin the workforce that receives pay for our work someday. I felt like I was giving up a lot. And sometimes I still do. This is where my friends came in...turns out they all feel like that. Several shared their personal struggles and dreams; I'm fortified knowing that I'm not alone in my feelings. I'm also encouraged in knowing that normal woman can do this and they still have social lives, hopes, dreams and ambitions. More to the point on school, work and the gym: If I'm being honest, those were all a long way off anyway with #4 coming. So, worrying about that is borrowing trouble.
In the end, we're experimenting this year to see if it works for us. MonsterBoy is bright and has learned a lot in preschool. We're giving it a whirl. If it works, awesome. If it doesn't, no big deal and we'll enroll him in school whenever we need to. I am confident enough in our ability to muddle through that I don't think he'd be terribly behind if that happened. So, onward we go with our grand experiment. I don't have all the answers yet, but we've chosen our curriculum, sketched out a school calendar and a daily routine. The rest, I plan to make up as we go on!
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Breaking Radio Silence
I looked at my blog today and realized my last post was Mid-March. Whoops. Again. I'm pretty sure I have more "catch-up" blog posts on this thing than regular posts. In my defense, Mid-March was the last time life was normal and I had some wits about me. So, here's the fast-forward:
PCS Adventures
April 1 kicked of PCS season for us. OCONUS moves are seriously the PCS gifts that keep on giving. They take forever and NEVER. SEEM. TO. END. We packed out our household goods on April 24th and kicked it Army-furniture style until June. We did this intentionally because we really wanted our stuff ready and waiting when we arrived in Kansas. It's much easier to borrow furniture and household items in Germany (from Army Furnishings or ACS and from friends!) than it is stateside and in a new location where you may not have friends with fully furnished homes! Shipping early paid off because our stuff arrived June 8th, before we had even left Germany! We were thrilled to book our delivery date so early and beat the PCS rush in Leavenworth. (Crazy happens there!) Our main household goods arrived July 2nd. We unpacked in 48 hours, no joke. It will probably stand as our family record until Soldier retires because we had Grammie on-hand doing crowd control. (She's AWESOME!) But, joke's on us because our shipment of stuff from storage arrived a week late. We hustled to get that put away just in time to receive our Unaccompanied Baggage. By that point, our enthusiasm for unpacking was about zilch. I'm still anxiously awaiting the arrival of my mommyvan...15 days, but who's counting?
Final Fling in France
We left Hohenfels on June 8th and headed to France for our final fling in Europe. We stayed one night in Verdun and checked out some of the battlefield sites and the cemetery. It's beautiful there and I wish we'd had a little more time to hike and wander the area. We spent the next four days in Normandy, at a tiny bed and breakfast near Carentan. The owners were a retired British couple and were just really, really lovely. They doted on our kids as if they were their own grandchildren. Whenever one of the kids ended up missing, I'd usually find them in the kitchen getting a chocolate biscuit from the owner or outside playing with the dog. We spent one day out at the owners cottage in La Fiere where they hosted a cook out and picnic for their guests. La Fiere was the site of the largest small arms battle of World War II. Paratroopers dropped there in the early hours of D-Day to secure a key roadway. We witnessed the commemorative drop. It was such a festive, joyful atmosphere. It was incredible to see how the locals really celebrate this occasion and the lingering sense of gratitude for the D-Day invasion. Sadly, due to sequestration, no Americans participated in the drop. The next two days were spent working our way down the coastline of Normandy. Really, I never imagined I would stand on Omaha beach and watch the waves crash on the rocks. But, we did. The American Cemetery was incredibly moving and I'm grateful for the opportunity to have visited. There were tons of fun museums along the way. Monster Boy was in Army Vehicle Heaven on this trip! Our next stop was Disneyland Paris, where we spent four days in a magical wonderland. The kids were great ages for this trip. Disneyland Paris is smaller than the mega Disney World in Florida that I'm more familiar with, but it was the perfect size for this trip and our kids. We also were there just before the peak summer travel season, so crowds weren't too bad. (And those early entrance hours for Disney Resort guests were MONEY!) While at Disney, we took a day trip into Paris. It wasn't the best experience, but I saw the Eiffel Tower and checked off another Bucket List item! Since we were pressed for time and looking for something easy and stress-free, we did a bus trip through the park. Bus trips are pretty much the WORST way to see a city, I've decided. It also poured rain that day, which was a bummer at the Eiffel Tower. The upside: we could have been walking all over the city with three kids and a stroller in the rain, so it's not all bad! In the end, we saw a teeeny bit of Paris, I stood in the Eiffel Tower and we stayed mostly dry. I'd love to go back one day and stay in the city to get a real Paris experience but that may be something for kid-free trip. (Someday, haha.)
Coming to America!
After France, we spent the weekend in Ramstein with friends we met at Ft Bliss. They graciously opened their home to us and it was WONDERFUL! After nearly two weeks in a hotel, the kids had playmates, toys, a backyard to run in and the most spectacular digging pit that ever was. I think we still might be digging sand out of their hair. We took the time to regroup, do laundry, repack and clean the van. After a roadtrip, it needed some serious help before we turned it in to be shipped back to the states. Our final night was spent on Ramstein AFB at the Lodging. It was relatively easy to get up the next morning, catch the shuttle to the airport and check-in for our flight. We spent the next week in VA catching up with family and made the final push to Leavenworth. Soldier drove our new-to-us Toyota Seqoiua to KS with by poor Father a trailer of furniture from my parent's house. (My poor dad...he keeps moving me out of the house. Over, and over, and over again.) I got the easy job and flew with the kiddos and Grammie! The final bonus from this PCS: we arrived in KS just in time to attend my cousin's wedding. I was beyond excited because we pretty much NEVER get to attend family functions thanks to Army-ness. It was a real treat for me.
So, that's it! We are now settled in our new home, all unpacked. I'm LOVING the Leavenworth life right now. I love our sweet little home, I love our neighborhood (seriously, awesome neighborhood!), I love the town, I love having some family nearby. Soldier is still on sham schedule since his class isn't in full swing yet, so we're getting lots of chores done and having fun together as a family.
Happy Thursday!
PCS Adventures
April 1 kicked of PCS season for us. OCONUS moves are seriously the PCS gifts that keep on giving. They take forever and NEVER. SEEM. TO. END. We packed out our household goods on April 24th and kicked it Army-furniture style until June. We did this intentionally because we really wanted our stuff ready and waiting when we arrived in Kansas. It's much easier to borrow furniture and household items in Germany (from Army Furnishings or ACS and from friends!) than it is stateside and in a new location where you may not have friends with fully furnished homes! Shipping early paid off because our stuff arrived June 8th, before we had even left Germany! We were thrilled to book our delivery date so early and beat the PCS rush in Leavenworth. (Crazy happens there!) Our main household goods arrived July 2nd. We unpacked in 48 hours, no joke. It will probably stand as our family record until Soldier retires because we had Grammie on-hand doing crowd control. (She's AWESOME!) But, joke's on us because our shipment of stuff from storage arrived a week late. We hustled to get that put away just in time to receive our Unaccompanied Baggage. By that point, our enthusiasm for unpacking was about zilch. I'm still anxiously awaiting the arrival of my mommyvan...15 days, but who's counting?
Final Fling in France
We left Hohenfels on June 8th and headed to France for our final fling in Europe. We stayed one night in Verdun and checked out some of the battlefield sites and the cemetery. It's beautiful there and I wish we'd had a little more time to hike and wander the area. We spent the next four days in Normandy, at a tiny bed and breakfast near Carentan. The owners were a retired British couple and were just really, really lovely. They doted on our kids as if they were their own grandchildren. Whenever one of the kids ended up missing, I'd usually find them in the kitchen getting a chocolate biscuit from the owner or outside playing with the dog. We spent one day out at the owners cottage in La Fiere where they hosted a cook out and picnic for their guests. La Fiere was the site of the largest small arms battle of World War II. Paratroopers dropped there in the early hours of D-Day to secure a key roadway. We witnessed the commemorative drop. It was such a festive, joyful atmosphere. It was incredible to see how the locals really celebrate this occasion and the lingering sense of gratitude for the D-Day invasion. Sadly, due to sequestration, no Americans participated in the drop. The next two days were spent working our way down the coastline of Normandy. Really, I never imagined I would stand on Omaha beach and watch the waves crash on the rocks. But, we did. The American Cemetery was incredibly moving and I'm grateful for the opportunity to have visited. There were tons of fun museums along the way. Monster Boy was in Army Vehicle Heaven on this trip! Our next stop was Disneyland Paris, where we spent four days in a magical wonderland. The kids were great ages for this trip. Disneyland Paris is smaller than the mega Disney World in Florida that I'm more familiar with, but it was the perfect size for this trip and our kids. We also were there just before the peak summer travel season, so crowds weren't too bad. (And those early entrance hours for Disney Resort guests were MONEY!) While at Disney, we took a day trip into Paris. It wasn't the best experience, but I saw the Eiffel Tower and checked off another Bucket List item! Since we were pressed for time and looking for something easy and stress-free, we did a bus trip through the park. Bus trips are pretty much the WORST way to see a city, I've decided. It also poured rain that day, which was a bummer at the Eiffel Tower. The upside: we could have been walking all over the city with three kids and a stroller in the rain, so it's not all bad! In the end, we saw a teeeny bit of Paris, I stood in the Eiffel Tower and we stayed mostly dry. I'd love to go back one day and stay in the city to get a real Paris experience but that may be something for kid-free trip. (Someday, haha.)
Coming to America!
After France, we spent the weekend in Ramstein with friends we met at Ft Bliss. They graciously opened their home to us and it was WONDERFUL! After nearly two weeks in a hotel, the kids had playmates, toys, a backyard to run in and the most spectacular digging pit that ever was. I think we still might be digging sand out of their hair. We took the time to regroup, do laundry, repack and clean the van. After a roadtrip, it needed some serious help before we turned it in to be shipped back to the states. Our final night was spent on Ramstein AFB at the Lodging. It was relatively easy to get up the next morning, catch the shuttle to the airport and check-in for our flight. We spent the next week in VA catching up with family and made the final push to Leavenworth. Soldier drove our new-to-us Toyota Seqoiua to KS with by poor Father a trailer of furniture from my parent's house. (My poor dad...he keeps moving me out of the house. Over, and over, and over again.) I got the easy job and flew with the kiddos and Grammie! The final bonus from this PCS: we arrived in KS just in time to attend my cousin's wedding. I was beyond excited because we pretty much NEVER get to attend family functions thanks to Army-ness. It was a real treat for me.
So, that's it! We are now settled in our new home, all unpacked. I'm LOVING the Leavenworth life right now. I love our sweet little home, I love our neighborhood (seriously, awesome neighborhood!), I love the town, I love having some family nearby. Soldier is still on sham schedule since his class isn't in full swing yet, so we're getting lots of chores done and having fun together as a family.
Happy Thursday!
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
All I Know about Parenting, I Learned from a Gambler
You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.
~ The Gambler lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Sung by Kenny Rogers, Written by Don Schlitz
You've got to know when to hold 'em
You've got to know when to fold 'em
You know what I'm talking about...know when to thrown in the cards. You've got to realize when you are asking too much of a child. You've got to realize when you're holding on to a rule or drawing a line that's not worth the fight. And when the catastrophic meltdown occurs, you've got to assess when the situation is salvageable and when it's time to just head home or go to bed.
Know when to walk away.
Your kids will push your buttons, until you are just about exploding. Know when to walk away. They will push boundaries and test you to gauge your reaction. Walk away and show them the behavior didn't raise your eyebrows. One day they will grow up and step outside of your comfort zone...you'll have to let them do it as you walk away.
Know when to run.
Follow your instincts. When you have that feeling that your baby's in danger...run. When they are sick and you just know something isn't right...run. When you hear the cry that sends chills of fear down your spine...run. Remember that catastrophic meltdown? Yeah, go ahead and run. But, also remember to run when you're in a big open field of grass; run with joy.
You never count your money while you're sitting at the table.
Don't congratulate yourself on a well-behaved dinner out while you're still in the restaurant. Don't compare your kids to others. Don't congratulate yourself on how well-behaved, smart or talented your kids area. Don't congratulate yourself on being an awesome parent.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.
Your babies will be grown and gone someday and you'll have decades to rehash how you raised them, how wonderful they are and how awesome of a parent you were. Or you'll look back and see areas where you wish you'd done better. Spend your time now focusing on doing the absolute best you can so you don't regret anything in the future. And remember that restaurant? If you're still sitting at the table, there's still time for a kid to chuck a spoon and a nearby patron or sneeze snotwads onto a bald man's head as you're walkin' out the door.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Just Acknowledge the Suck
Let me start by saying, I love my children fiercely, with passion and more than I ever thought possible. There is NOTHING on this planet that could replace them.
Now that I've made that clear...I just need to say that days/weeks/months like this make me year for they days when I went to an office each day.
I'm worn out. Exhausted. My house is a wreck. I have a to-do list a mile long. Miraculously, my laundry is done. I'm not even sure how I've managed that.
I'm in the midst of "sick kids." I'm not joking or exaggerating when I say that the kids, collectively have been healthy a grand total of 6 days in the last month. We started out February with a cold. After a couple day recovery, we rolled right into a upper respiratory virus that included conjunctivitis. Oh yeah...viral pink eye x 3. Then, Monster Boy ended up with bacterial conjunctivitis, probably from rubbing his little eyes so much with the viral version. Awesome. I managed to dodge the conjunctivitis portion but did get one doozie of a head cold and spent a weekend in bed. We had one week at the beginning of March where all were healthy and cautiously ventured out. Then we had a stomach bug that morphed into another chest cold type thing that had Bunny Girl couch-ridden for three days. Just as I declared her "safe," Monster Boy had his turn.
Soldier's been on a crazy training rotation for about two months. I think he's had two days off? Maybe? I honestly can't remember, that's how few. He leaves around 5am, comes home around 8pm, eats dinner and is sound asleep by 9:30.
I'm weary...of illness...of the rotations...of the messy house...of the sloth I feel because I sit around the house all day snuggling sick, whiny kids...I'm weary.
Now, before you try to cheer me up, Please...just don't. I know all the "right" responses:
Could we, for just one moment, skip that part and just acknowledge the "Suck?" Seriously. I just want to hear someone say: Yes, this sucks. I can see that you are about to loose your mind, pull your hair out, run away from home and drink heavily until everything seems fuzzy. I understand that you might climb out of your skin the next time a child drapes him or herself on you instead of using the lovely chairs and couches you have for sitting. I will ask you questions because I know that you are using every ounce of love and patience you have to sweetly reply "Yes, Honey?" when a little person calls your name for the 47th time in thirty seconds. In fact, I won't speak to you at all because I know your brain is full and simply can not follow another conversation right now. I'm just going to let you sit, still and quiet because you haven't had that lately. I'll stay with your sick kids so you can go away to be still and quiet because this moment sucks.
I would hug the person, maybe cry out of exhaustion and frustration. And then, I would hug my babies tighter and politely tell the kind soul that there was no way I could leave them when they felt so miserable and needed extra love from their Mama. [Truthfully, I'm not very good at leaving them when they are healthy, but that's a crisis for another day!]
Now that I've made that clear...I just need to say that days/weeks/months like this make me year for they days when I went to an office each day.
I'm worn out. Exhausted. My house is a wreck. I have a to-do list a mile long. Miraculously, my laundry is done. I'm not even sure how I've managed that.
I'm in the midst of "sick kids." I'm not joking or exaggerating when I say that the kids, collectively have been healthy a grand total of 6 days in the last month. We started out February with a cold. After a couple day recovery, we rolled right into a upper respiratory virus that included conjunctivitis. Oh yeah...viral pink eye x 3. Then, Monster Boy ended up with bacterial conjunctivitis, probably from rubbing his little eyes so much with the viral version. Awesome. I managed to dodge the conjunctivitis portion but did get one doozie of a head cold and spent a weekend in bed. We had one week at the beginning of March where all were healthy and cautiously ventured out. Then we had a stomach bug that morphed into another chest cold type thing that had Bunny Girl couch-ridden for three days. Just as I declared her "safe," Monster Boy had his turn.
Soldier's been on a crazy training rotation for about two months. I think he's had two days off? Maybe? I honestly can't remember, that's how few. He leaves around 5am, comes home around 8pm, eats dinner and is sound asleep by 9:30.
I'm weary...of illness...of the rotations...of the messy house...of the sloth I feel because I sit around the house all day snuggling sick, whiny kids...I'm weary.
Now, before you try to cheer me up, Please...just don't. I know all the "right" responses:
- The "Older Mom" Response: It goes fast. Cherish those snuggles. [I have. Every day. All day. For 30 days.]
- The "Army Wife" Response: Be glad your husband's not deployed. [I am. But seriously...if he was totally in the field or TDY, I would get a break from meal prep, cleaning up after his breakfast dishes and the excessive piles of laundry that magically appear in the back of his HMMWV to bring home for me.]
- The Christian Response: Cherish your role and God-given responsibilities. Throw in a few quotes from Titus 2 or Proverbs 31. Bring your weariness to Jesus and lay it at his feet. [Got it. Doing it. Thanks for the sympathetic reminder and for making me feel like an even bigger failure than I did before. Clearly, you have it all together, all the time.]
Could we, for just one moment, skip that part and just acknowledge the "Suck?" Seriously. I just want to hear someone say: Yes, this sucks. I can see that you are about to loose your mind, pull your hair out, run away from home and drink heavily until everything seems fuzzy. I understand that you might climb out of your skin the next time a child drapes him or herself on you instead of using the lovely chairs and couches you have for sitting. I will ask you questions because I know that you are using every ounce of love and patience you have to sweetly reply "Yes, Honey?" when a little person calls your name for the 47th time in thirty seconds. In fact, I won't speak to you at all because I know your brain is full and simply can not follow another conversation right now. I'm just going to let you sit, still and quiet because you haven't had that lately. I'll stay with your sick kids so you can go away to be still and quiet because this moment sucks.
I would hug the person, maybe cry out of exhaustion and frustration. And then, I would hug my babies tighter and politely tell the kind soul that there was no way I could leave them when they felt so miserable and needed extra love from their Mama. [Truthfully, I'm not very good at leaving them when they are healthy, but that's a crisis for another day!]
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