In case you were wondering, it took exactly seven days of home school for panic to set it. It also happens to be the day that public school starts in our area. Coincidence? Probably not!
Yesterday, as we were cruising to swim lessons, Monster Boy asked me when he would be starting Kindergarten.
Uhhhh. What?
"We already started Kindergarten, honey. That's what we are going in Mommy School."
"No, Mama. When am I going to the big school with all the other kids???"
I did my best to explain that there are many ways to go to school: one is going to the big school and another is doing school at home with Mommy. I can't help but feel that the conversation didn't go well because he seemed disappointed. Now, perhaps he was just miffed he didn't get a spiffy new backpack or a ride on the big yellow bus. I don't know. I wanted to be so careful in my answer because I didn't want to paint either option in a better light, give him false fears of going to school without mommy, or anything like that. In the end, it was enough to trigger a massive onslaught of Mommy-Anxiety.
I've spent the last 24 hours in a mild to moderate state of anxiety over various related and unrelated worries. (Because you know anxiety is not rational.)
What if he WANTS to be in school with other kids?
What if he would actually assimilate just fine and I'm hovering?
How do I know he's actually learning anything?
Why did I commit to this if I wasn't sure I could do it forever? Isn't that mean to throw him in with the sharks later? (Yes, I know...comparing elementary, middle or high school students to sharks is unfair. Well, maybe not middle schoolers; 13 year olds can be viscous.)
Why did I think I could manage this?
Coinciding with this anxiety episode were a couple of things that magnified the problem:
The First Day of school at public schools. (Feels like the point of no return. He missed the first day of school. Sh*t just got real.)
Soldier decided to add in a Master's Program to this year of intensive and time-consuming Army study. (Before I was thinking I'd be on my own a lot this year. Now I KNOW it.)
I had to fire our housekeeper. (Frivolous, yes. But, I did get some confidence in knowing I'd have a little bit of help.)
I "overheard" (in the "showed up on my Facebook timeline" sense) a close relative making some very pointed and hurtful remarks about homeschooling.
Finally, toss in a hefty does of pregnancy hormones and you've got a hot mess. Our day of school went exceptionally well, despite my worries and emotional state. I'm feeling VERY overwhelmed and teary. (I blame hormones for those annoying tears!) I'm praying that I can regain my confidence in the decision we made and that it was the right one.
Confession: While I wrote this, I binge ate a bowl of pita chips and hummus, a bowl of blueberry cobbler and three chocolate chip cookies. Gross food comfort.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Week One Down
We survived week one. I have no clue whether or not learning is happening but we are getting work done and everyone seems happy and excited. The kiddos woke up on Saturday morning asking to do Mommy School. (Today's Lesson: Definition of SATURDAY! Mama's off duty!)
Seriously, though, I'm thrilled with their enthusiasm and couldn't resist their pleas for MORE SCHOOL! We read from some of their books. (They are currently obsessed with the first Boxcar Children book.)
We also played around with the math manipulatives set I bought for the Saxon Math. Yes, I know I could have pieced it together from stuff here at home or bought it piece meal, but I need EASY right now!
I also purchased the Well Planned Day at the recommendation of several friends. I have all these lovely lesson plans, but still find myself flipping madly through binders trying to remember what it is we were supposed to be doing that morning. I'll be giving it a whirl next week. I spent about 90 minutes this morning jotting notes in it on next week's lesson plan and shuffling some lessons around. If anything, forcing myself to sit and really read over the lessons ahead of time was probably very useful.
Seriously, though, I'm thrilled with their enthusiasm and couldn't resist their pleas for MORE SCHOOL! We read from some of their books. (They are currently obsessed with the first Boxcar Children book.)
We also played around with the math manipulatives set I bought for the Saxon Math. Yes, I know I could have pieced it together from stuff here at home or bought it piece meal, but I need EASY right now!
I also purchased the Well Planned Day at the recommendation of several friends. I have all these lovely lesson plans, but still find myself flipping madly through binders trying to remember what it is we were supposed to be doing that morning. I'll be giving it a whirl next week. I spent about 90 minutes this morning jotting notes in it on next week's lesson plan and shuffling some lessons around. If anything, forcing myself to sit and really read over the lessons ahead of time was probably very useful.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Off to School We Go
Day One of “Mommy School” is under our belts and I have a moment to catch my breath. Here’s our school roundup for this year:
1 Abeka Phonics K – I’ve heard nothing but rave
reviews about it, so we are giving it a whirl with Monster Boy. Surprise
discovery of today was that BunnyGirl was really into it and very put out that
she did not have her own worksheets. I’m
debating Xeroxing them, but suspect it would be cheaper and faster to just buy
an extra workbook.
2. Sonlight Language Arts – Love all the books in
this curriculum. I’m partial to real
books and really want my children to develop a love for reading. Sonlight’s phonics approach is very…um…flexible
and student paced? OK, the truth is I
just don’t get it. So, I’m using Abeka, too.
Sonlight seems to have a more open philosophy that kids will simply
absorb the phonics through read-alouds, but I’m not quite that trusting. Give me some flashcards and rules for
sounding it out anyday! I learned to
read with phonics, so that’s probably why that’s clearly my comfort zone.
3. Sonlight World Cultures – This is part of their Curriculum A. It’s not totally necessary in Kindergarten, but I love the books (again) and love the discussions it promtps with the kiddos. Also, surprise from MonsterBoy was that the Usborne Children’s Encyclopedia is by far is favorite book! He’s obsessed with it and I’m thrilled with that.
3. Sonlight World Cultures – This is part of their Curriculum A. It’s not totally necessary in Kindergarten, but I love the books (again) and love the discussions it promtps with the kiddos. Also, surprise from MonsterBoy was that the Usborne Children’s Encyclopedia is by far is favorite book! He’s obsessed with it and I’m thrilled with that.
4.
Saxon Math 1 – This one I’m still a tad
undecided about. I suspect that Math U
See might be better for my super kinesthetic learner, but Saxon’s teaching
approach is easier for me to grasp. So, do I work to adapt the kinesthetic
approach to something my brain can handle or do I start with something my brain
handles and adapt it to him? I’m using
Saxon, but am hoping to include as many manipluatives and visual elements as
possible. If it’s not working at the end
of this 8 weeks, I’ll scrap it and jump to Math U See. I don’t think it’s a huge crisis for us since
he’s already got a pretty good basis for numbers, counting, patterns, shapes,
ordinal numbers and simple addition and subtraction. (Thus the reason we jumped to 1 vs the Kinder
level)
5.
Handwriting without Tears – I purchased both the
1 and the K workbooks. MonsterBoy is a pretty proficient writer and BunnyGirl
seems ready to jump in. I started with
one slate but they both really love it, so I purchased another since they were
pretty cheap and a great hands-on activity.
We started off today with swim lessons. (PE, anyone?!) Big hit for MonsterBoy, surprise hissy fit
from Bunny girl. I was pretty surprised
because she’s been enthusiastic about it before and has done all the skills
previously. Meh. Chalk it up to a
mystery and we’ll try again on Wednesday!
When we got home, I was ready to jump into school mode. Soldier and I decorated our basement and
school area with streamers and filled with balloons. Huge hit! The kiddos were super impressed and
excited about it. Maybe a tad too
impressed and excited?? I had a full day of school planned and didn’t quite
plan for balloon-madness and general chaos.
It was very hard to marshall their attention for any length of time. I
was getting frustrated as the slogged through our first Bible lesson and “circle
time” with the calendar, weather and counting.
We counted to thirty with balloons and I needed to regroup. Yup…I had yelled.
A whopping 35 minutes into our school year. Awesome. Incidentally, I was able
to take comfort in our verse of the day A- All have sinned and fall short of
the glory of God. Romans 3:23 [MEMORIZED. BOOM] It was a good reminder that I
will not be perfect in this and will fall short, many, many times this year but
by the grace of God I can ask forgiveness and try again. I left them downstairs smashing through the
balloon piles and retreated to the kitchen where I consoled myself with Hershey
Kisses and a pep-talk. (“It will get better once we have a routine….it will get
better once we have a routine.”)
I rejoined the fray and grabbed the math book to see what we
were working on today. (So much for advance planning. Whoops.) Can I tell you how thrilled I was to discover
our math lesson was on identifying today’s date? We already went over than during our circle
time. WHOOO-HOOO (And THANK YOU, Lord for small mercies!!!) We
moved on to phonics and everyone really seemed to enjoy that. Even completing the worksheets was a big
hit. Then we went upstairs and they
worked on some handwriting while I prepped lunch. The letter mat with shapes
and the chalkboard Wet-Dry-Try was a HUGE hit with both kids. MonsterBoy made a few letters out of the
shapes, then moved on to constructing tractors and other vehicles with the
shapes. Pretty creative.
After lunch, we took a break and played outside for about 45
minutes. MonsterBoy then asked, yes ASKED, to do more handwriting. Gee golly, YES! He reviewed his capital letters. (Glad I went
with 1 for him…he’d be bored crazy with K!) Then we moved on to the World
Cultures and Science, both of today’s readings were out of the Encyclopedia so
he was thrilled. I also discovered they have a website with links to other
educational sites related to the info on those pages. AWESOME! We played around with the websites
on the Earth’s layers, the atmosphere and a few others for about 30 minutes.
Good stuff. Then we finished with some
snuggling and read-aloud from our Sonlight Readers.
So, we survived. It wasn’t epic, but I had a few wins and
chalk the day up to a success because the kids ASKED to do Mommy School again
tomorrow. YAY!!!!
As a side note, I've deleted my Facebook App from my phone and my iPad in honor of our Homeschool Kick Off. It's not much
but it's a small way of distancing myself from that distraction and freeing up my attention for the kiddos. I
typically only use my laptop every other day or so in the evenings, so
that's a comfortable time frame for me to "catch-up" on Facebooking
without it being too invasive. I realized how deeply entangled I was
today when I saw how frequently I reached for my phone or iPad! I
confess to checking my e-mail obsessively today...partly in substitute
and partly because I am anxiously awaiting a reply to a message I sent
yesterday.
I also realized now was probably the perfect time to re-read Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst. (Deep thoughts from my much needed lunch break outdoor play time. It's amazing what you can think/accomplish when not sucked in to the FB vortex.) Unglued is a bible study on our emotions and controlling them. You know, like that moment when I lose it because no one is paying attention to me except for DeeDee and that’s only because she wants me to unwrap yet another piece of chocolate from our “Welcome to School” Goody-bags. Yeah. Exactly. Time to get back to work on that messy, icky part of me. I feel confident that this year will be a whole lot of stretching, growing and uncomfortable lessons.
I also realized now was probably the perfect time to re-read Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst. (Deep thoughts from my much needed lunch break outdoor play time. It's amazing what you can think/accomplish when not sucked in to the FB vortex.) Unglued is a bible study on our emotions and controlling them. You know, like that moment when I lose it because no one is paying attention to me except for DeeDee and that’s only because she wants me to unwrap yet another piece of chocolate from our “Welcome to School” Goody-bags. Yeah. Exactly. Time to get back to work on that messy, icky part of me. I feel confident that this year will be a whole lot of stretching, growing and uncomfortable lessons.
Forging onward tomorrow!
Friday, August 2, 2013
The one in which we declare our wierdness
Big changes are coming to our household this year...We've decided to take a giant leap of faith and will be homeschooling our MonsterBoy and Bunny Girl.
It's not easy for me to share that here -- outing ourselves as homeschoolers. I'm writing this now, nearly a month after we made the decision, only because I've come to some peace with it. We made this decision knowing that our extended family members and some of our friends will have varying reactions. It's not easy to "go against the flow." Homeschooling has come a LONG way since I first heard of it. (In fifth grade, a friend was pulled from school to be homeschooled and the general concensus was "Horrible, terrible, awful idea.") My views of homeschooling have changed dramatically over the last four years, thanks to some dear friends setting a great example for us. I'm so very, very grateful for these ladies and their kind, loving and non-judgemental support, their honest advice and opinions, and their never-ending patience in answering my ba-zillion questions as we waded through this decision-making process. I am thankful that I can rely on their enthusiastic support and encouragement this year. Reactions have varied among our extended family. Some have withheld judgement and comment so I can't gauge their reaction which is probably a blessing. Some have pledged whole-hearted support, even if I suspect they may not be or may not have been totally on board. (But, can I just say how grateful I am for that unconditional love?) Some have expressed bewilderment nad have peppered us with questions about the process; we've tried to answer as honestly as possible. (Even if the answers are "Um. Yeah, we're going to figure that out as we go.") And, sadly, some have been negative reactions; this has been the hardest to deal with, of course. (My impulse is toward sarcasm. "Oh...thank you for pointing that out. I had not realized how [insert adjective: hard, exhausting, trying, challenging, time-consuming, etc] it would be." Mature, I know. That's why I try to keep my comments in my head.)
I'd like to say, first off, that this decision is NOT a judgement on schooling choices, for anyone. It's merely a reflection of our general parenting philosphy: There's a wide range of normal and acceptable ways to parent our children; we each must make decisions we believe are best for our family and make sure they are decisions we can live with. We believe that homeschooling is simply one of the wide range of options available to us for educating our children.
My dear homeschooling mama friends helped to set me straight on a few homeschooling myths and I am grateful.
1. Most homeschool families aren't in a cult and don't have crazy conspiracy theories about public school brainwashing children.
2. My friends also don't wear denim jumpers. (You might be ridiculed beyond belief and labeled "80's Flashback" if you do.)
3. They like fashion, make-up, going to the movies, listening to music, enjoying desert and a glass of wine. You know, normal stuff.
4. Their children are, in a word, awesome. The homeschool kids I know are well-socialized, outgoing, poised, individuals and generally have a better grasp on holding a conversation with people of diverse backgrounds, ages, interests than most kids.
5. I've also learned that most of my friends don't have a background in education, college isn't a deciding factor, nor is having been homeschooled themselves. Most were not homeschooled, in fact. Some knew before their kids were born they would homeschool. Some decided after school started and wasn't a good fit. Others were more like me: reluctant, semi-unwilling skeptics.
For us, we chose homeschooling because it seems to make sense for us to try right now. We have toyed with the idea for the last few years, but did not share this with many people. We have no clue whether this will be a forever thing and frankly that's waaaaaay too much pressure to deal with at this point. So, we've simply made this decision for RIGHT NOW. Literally, a month to month basis. Worst Case Scenario: In a few months, we call this a failed experiment and we put him in school. He's bright enough and has enough knowledge and skills under his belt that we probably won't ruin his chances at Harvard in Kindergarten.
This started because we worried that MonsterBoy would not do well in a traditional school environment. We saw this in preschool and had one outstanding teacher that helped us identify the cause. He's very high energy and had been labeled a trouble-maker by his previous preschool teachers. We'd get reports that he was bothering the other kids and being disruptive. Finally, last year, when I asked his teacher about this she laughed and said, "No, he's not a trouble maker...he's very, very bored. He picks up the new material in two minutes, finishes his worksheet about three minutes later and then has 20 minutes to be bored while the other kids finish their work." She was incredible and did extra work to plan additional assignments and learning tasks for him, so he stayed engage. Once this started, we didn't have a single problem or complaint. He LOVED school. Unfortunately, our experience has been that exceptional teachers like hers are true gems -- rare, precious and not always available. Sadly for us, she was promoted to Director of the preschool programs in halfway through last year. Suddenly, MonsterBoy reverted to old behaviors and we started getting the same reports each day from his new teachers about his disruptions and bothering the other children. I coached MonsterBoy to ask his teachers for paper and crayons to entertain himself while the otehr kids were working. This worked to occupy him but it always made me a little sad when he came home with 8-12 elaborate vehicle sketches; it seemed like such a wasted opportunity. We worry that this pattern will repeat itself over the next few years and that he will be labeled a trouble-maker, or worse. I'm not saying he's brilliant or the next Einstein, just that he works at a different pace than some other students. With homeschooling, we have the flexibility to move as fast or as slow as needed. If I'm picking his course work, I can select levels that challenge him. I've selected a mix of kindergarten and first grade work for this year, because I believe he can do it.
The other big factor in this is the "Army-ness." There are several compelling Army-related reasons for us. First, I grew up a product of moving schools each year. Generally, it was fine but I did experience some of the troubles of switching school districts and curriculum so frequently. If we continue this for several years, we have the benefit of a consistent learning plan. We also don't have to worry about whether or not the school district in a new location will have programs or educational offerings suitable to him. Second, Army schedules are unpredictable. We never know when Soldier will have time off, beyond two designated block leave periods that are generally during the most expensive travel weeks of the year. With four kids, we can't afford that! Since I control the class schedule, I can plan a week off in February to visit family when flights are cheap. If Soldier's in the field for a month, I can pack up our books and skip town for several weeks to visit family. This year, I'm doing a eight week on, one week off schedule so I have time to regroup and reassess while we experiment. I'm also scheduling a month long break in December when Baby #4 arrives. We will still get the same number of instructional days as the public school. The upside: I can accomplish in 2-4 hours a day when it takes a school 7-8 hours to do because I'm only managing one kid.
The last reason for this decision is something I referenced earlier. While I don't have some big conspiracy theory about public schools, I do question their ability to meet my son's educational needs needs and keep him safe and happy. We won't always have outstanding teachers and we won't always have diligent staff members watching our kids at the schools and on the buses. He won't always have someone who realizes if he isn't mastering a subject. I'm not knocking public school...I'm just saying that I am aware of both the strengths and weaknesses. In general, I find it very troubling that the US has the highest per capita expenditures on public education yet we have some of the most dismal results. There's a big disconnect for me. We've looked into private school and discovered a couple of things. First, private schools do not always have "better teachers" or better programs. Second, with four kids we will NOT be able to float that bill!
I won't lie and pretend this was an easy decision for us. First and foremost: I worried that I wasn't "enough" for this: not smart enough, not organized enough, not disciplined enough, not creative enough, sooooo not patient enough, etc, etc, etc. Those were some HUGE fears for me...especially patience and organization. What if I lost my cool every day or I never got a single thing done?? On the selfish side, I also was reluctant to give up what little free time I have. I don't have much, but it was nice to grocery shop with one kid when the other two were at preschool. Over the last 8 years of Army Life, I've enjoyed participating in activities like PWOC, the spouses' clubs, FRGs and other volunteer outlets. I'm not certain I will have time for all of that. I had ambitions of seeing the inside of a gym later this year and actually trying to regain a shape other than round and jiggly after this baby. I also wanted to go back to school myself at some point and maybe rejoin the workforce that receives pay for our work someday. I felt like I was giving up a lot. And sometimes I still do. This is where my friends came in...turns out they all feel like that. Several shared their personal struggles and dreams; I'm fortified knowing that I'm not alone in my feelings. I'm also encouraged in knowing that normal woman can do this and they still have social lives, hopes, dreams and ambitions. More to the point on school, work and the gym: If I'm being honest, those were all a long way off anyway with #4 coming. So, worrying about that is borrowing trouble.
In the end, we're experimenting this year to see if it works for us. MonsterBoy is bright and has learned a lot in preschool. We're giving it a whirl. If it works, awesome. If it doesn't, no big deal and we'll enroll him in school whenever we need to. I am confident enough in our ability to muddle through that I don't think he'd be terribly behind if that happened. So, onward we go with our grand experiment. I don't have all the answers yet, but we've chosen our curriculum, sketched out a school calendar and a daily routine. The rest, I plan to make up as we go on!
It's not easy for me to share that here -- outing ourselves as homeschoolers. I'm writing this now, nearly a month after we made the decision, only because I've come to some peace with it. We made this decision knowing that our extended family members and some of our friends will have varying reactions. It's not easy to "go against the flow." Homeschooling has come a LONG way since I first heard of it. (In fifth grade, a friend was pulled from school to be homeschooled and the general concensus was "Horrible, terrible, awful idea.") My views of homeschooling have changed dramatically over the last four years, thanks to some dear friends setting a great example for us. I'm so very, very grateful for these ladies and their kind, loving and non-judgemental support, their honest advice and opinions, and their never-ending patience in answering my ba-zillion questions as we waded through this decision-making process. I am thankful that I can rely on their enthusiastic support and encouragement this year. Reactions have varied among our extended family. Some have withheld judgement and comment so I can't gauge their reaction which is probably a blessing. Some have pledged whole-hearted support, even if I suspect they may not be or may not have been totally on board. (But, can I just say how grateful I am for that unconditional love?) Some have expressed bewilderment nad have peppered us with questions about the process; we've tried to answer as honestly as possible. (Even if the answers are "Um. Yeah, we're going to figure that out as we go.") And, sadly, some have been negative reactions; this has been the hardest to deal with, of course. (My impulse is toward sarcasm. "Oh...thank you for pointing that out. I had not realized how [insert adjective: hard, exhausting, trying, challenging, time-consuming, etc] it would be." Mature, I know. That's why I try to keep my comments in my head.)
I'd like to say, first off, that this decision is NOT a judgement on schooling choices, for anyone. It's merely a reflection of our general parenting philosphy: There's a wide range of normal and acceptable ways to parent our children; we each must make decisions we believe are best for our family and make sure they are decisions we can live with. We believe that homeschooling is simply one of the wide range of options available to us for educating our children.
My dear homeschooling mama friends helped to set me straight on a few homeschooling myths and I am grateful.
1. Most homeschool families aren't in a cult and don't have crazy conspiracy theories about public school brainwashing children.
2. My friends also don't wear denim jumpers. (You might be ridiculed beyond belief and labeled "80's Flashback" if you do.)
3. They like fashion, make-up, going to the movies, listening to music, enjoying desert and a glass of wine. You know, normal stuff.
4. Their children are, in a word, awesome. The homeschool kids I know are well-socialized, outgoing, poised, individuals and generally have a better grasp on holding a conversation with people of diverse backgrounds, ages, interests than most kids.
5. I've also learned that most of my friends don't have a background in education, college isn't a deciding factor, nor is having been homeschooled themselves. Most were not homeschooled, in fact. Some knew before their kids were born they would homeschool. Some decided after school started and wasn't a good fit. Others were more like me: reluctant, semi-unwilling skeptics.
For us, we chose homeschooling because it seems to make sense for us to try right now. We have toyed with the idea for the last few years, but did not share this with many people. We have no clue whether this will be a forever thing and frankly that's waaaaaay too much pressure to deal with at this point. So, we've simply made this decision for RIGHT NOW. Literally, a month to month basis. Worst Case Scenario: In a few months, we call this a failed experiment and we put him in school. He's bright enough and has enough knowledge and skills under his belt that we probably won't ruin his chances at Harvard in Kindergarten.
This started because we worried that MonsterBoy would not do well in a traditional school environment. We saw this in preschool and had one outstanding teacher that helped us identify the cause. He's very high energy and had been labeled a trouble-maker by his previous preschool teachers. We'd get reports that he was bothering the other kids and being disruptive. Finally, last year, when I asked his teacher about this she laughed and said, "No, he's not a trouble maker...he's very, very bored. He picks up the new material in two minutes, finishes his worksheet about three minutes later and then has 20 minutes to be bored while the other kids finish their work." She was incredible and did extra work to plan additional assignments and learning tasks for him, so he stayed engage. Once this started, we didn't have a single problem or complaint. He LOVED school. Unfortunately, our experience has been that exceptional teachers like hers are true gems -- rare, precious and not always available. Sadly for us, she was promoted to Director of the preschool programs in halfway through last year. Suddenly, MonsterBoy reverted to old behaviors and we started getting the same reports each day from his new teachers about his disruptions and bothering the other children. I coached MonsterBoy to ask his teachers for paper and crayons to entertain himself while the otehr kids were working. This worked to occupy him but it always made me a little sad when he came home with 8-12 elaborate vehicle sketches; it seemed like such a wasted opportunity. We worry that this pattern will repeat itself over the next few years and that he will be labeled a trouble-maker, or worse. I'm not saying he's brilliant or the next Einstein, just that he works at a different pace than some other students. With homeschooling, we have the flexibility to move as fast or as slow as needed. If I'm picking his course work, I can select levels that challenge him. I've selected a mix of kindergarten and first grade work for this year, because I believe he can do it.
The other big factor in this is the "Army-ness." There are several compelling Army-related reasons for us. First, I grew up a product of moving schools each year. Generally, it was fine but I did experience some of the troubles of switching school districts and curriculum so frequently. If we continue this for several years, we have the benefit of a consistent learning plan. We also don't have to worry about whether or not the school district in a new location will have programs or educational offerings suitable to him. Second, Army schedules are unpredictable. We never know when Soldier will have time off, beyond two designated block leave periods that are generally during the most expensive travel weeks of the year. With four kids, we can't afford that! Since I control the class schedule, I can plan a week off in February to visit family when flights are cheap. If Soldier's in the field for a month, I can pack up our books and skip town for several weeks to visit family. This year, I'm doing a eight week on, one week off schedule so I have time to regroup and reassess while we experiment. I'm also scheduling a month long break in December when Baby #4 arrives. We will still get the same number of instructional days as the public school. The upside: I can accomplish in 2-4 hours a day when it takes a school 7-8 hours to do because I'm only managing one kid.
The last reason for this decision is something I referenced earlier. While I don't have some big conspiracy theory about public schools, I do question their ability to meet my son's educational needs needs and keep him safe and happy. We won't always have outstanding teachers and we won't always have diligent staff members watching our kids at the schools and on the buses. He won't always have someone who realizes if he isn't mastering a subject. I'm not knocking public school...I'm just saying that I am aware of both the strengths and weaknesses. In general, I find it very troubling that the US has the highest per capita expenditures on public education yet we have some of the most dismal results. There's a big disconnect for me. We've looked into private school and discovered a couple of things. First, private schools do not always have "better teachers" or better programs. Second, with four kids we will NOT be able to float that bill!
I won't lie and pretend this was an easy decision for us. First and foremost: I worried that I wasn't "enough" for this: not smart enough, not organized enough, not disciplined enough, not creative enough, sooooo not patient enough, etc, etc, etc. Those were some HUGE fears for me...especially patience and organization. What if I lost my cool every day or I never got a single thing done?? On the selfish side, I also was reluctant to give up what little free time I have. I don't have much, but it was nice to grocery shop with one kid when the other two were at preschool. Over the last 8 years of Army Life, I've enjoyed participating in activities like PWOC, the spouses' clubs, FRGs and other volunteer outlets. I'm not certain I will have time for all of that. I had ambitions of seeing the inside of a gym later this year and actually trying to regain a shape other than round and jiggly after this baby. I also wanted to go back to school myself at some point and maybe rejoin the workforce that receives pay for our work someday. I felt like I was giving up a lot. And sometimes I still do. This is where my friends came in...turns out they all feel like that. Several shared their personal struggles and dreams; I'm fortified knowing that I'm not alone in my feelings. I'm also encouraged in knowing that normal woman can do this and they still have social lives, hopes, dreams and ambitions. More to the point on school, work and the gym: If I'm being honest, those were all a long way off anyway with #4 coming. So, worrying about that is borrowing trouble.
In the end, we're experimenting this year to see if it works for us. MonsterBoy is bright and has learned a lot in preschool. We're giving it a whirl. If it works, awesome. If it doesn't, no big deal and we'll enroll him in school whenever we need to. I am confident enough in our ability to muddle through that I don't think he'd be terribly behind if that happened. So, onward we go with our grand experiment. I don't have all the answers yet, but we've chosen our curriculum, sketched out a school calendar and a daily routine. The rest, I plan to make up as we go on!
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