Pack Mule Mama or What I Put in My Carry-On

I’ve meticulously planned out my carry-ons.  (Neurotic, yes.  But, it makes me feel like I can manage this.)   I normally travel with just a backpack and the two big kids’ toddler-sized backpack but I feel like I need extra supplies since this is such a long trip. (I'm calculating about22 hours total: 2 hours of drive time, 6 hours of "wait", 8 hours of flight time, 2 hours to get luggage, potty and grab lunch and then 4 hours of drive time to our new home.)

 Here’s the run down:

Mommy Back Pack (under the seat for easy, in-flight access)

• snacks (4 servings each: peanut butter packets, fruit squeezies, crackers, cheerios, bib, baby food etc)
• Water bottles (for Bunny Girl and Monster Boy)
• Baby toys
• Kindle (Hey, a Mom can dream, right?)
• Emergency packet of formula and a bottle (In case SBG really does nurse all night long!)
• Toiletry basics (tooth brushes, compact, lip balm, contact solution, eye glasses and a comb)
• Diapers, wipes and spare outfit for SBG
• Wallet/Passports/Army Travel Documents/Cell Phone

Spinner Light Weight Carry-On (I purchased this just for the flight. It’s super light-weight and rolls so easily that Monster Boy could easily push it if needed. The plan is to unpack what I need for the flight at the beginning and then stash it in the overhead for the remainder.)

• Spare clothes for ALL of us. (On a 12 hour trip, someone is bound to dump something on themselves and me!)
• Travel pillows & blankets for the kids
• Seahorses (the big kids' bedtime "soothers")
• More food (Duplicate of what’s in the backpack for an emergency)
• Laptop
• Jewelry/Valuables

Kids Backpacks: (Bunny Girl and Monster Boy each have a wheeled toddler backpack)

• “Airplane Toys” Yes, I bribe my kids on the plane. Before a big trip, we pick out one small, new toy to play with on the airplane. I stash it away until that moment of desperation on the plane. Works like a charm! 
•  A couple of toys of their choosing 
• Crayons 
• Coloring/Activity/Sticker Books 
•  iPod/Headphones (They only use these during big trips so when I pull them out, there’s a major NOVELTLY factor here. Awesome.  And, I splurged and picked out a couple of new movies for this trip.)

I will also have my trusty travelling companion BOB with me.  He’s big and strong, can carry heavy loads when I get tired and is great at keeping the kids under control. (BOB…Revolution Duallie.)  He will be carting Sweet Baby Girl’s infant carrier car seat. 

So, that’s the round-up: BOB, carseat, a wheeled carry-on, a backpack, two toddler backpacks, a four year old, a two year old, a nine month old and one FRAZZLE MOMMY.

Loving My Military Man

Previously, I wrote a post inspired by my mother that focused around some of the sacrifices Military Spouses make for our Soldier’s careers. 

Something weighed on my mind afterwards:  this notion of “sacrifice” for our spouse.  Words that my husband said once to friends of ours at a party returned to my mind.  They ladies were talking about jobs they had before getting married, jobs they’d like to have eventually.  Someone asked about me and my husband replied,  “She’s got big dreams. I’m holding her back!”   He played it off as a joke, but I wondered if there was a hint of truth in it.  Could my husband think that he’s holding me back?  Does he believe that I sacrifice too much for him?  Does he believe that I’m unhappy or resent him for that?  Could he think that I regret my decision to marry him and follow him?  These things really tugged at my heart strings.

So, to ensure clarity:  Yes, if I knew then what I know now, I would definitely change my answer to his proposal. He asked “How would you feel about being an Army wife?”  I said “Well, I think I could probably handle it.”   Instead, I would have said “Heck YES! Let’s get married NOW because I can’t wait to start this adventure with you!”

Rather than dwell on our sacrifice, Let’s look at what we GET!

1. Adventure:   I’ve ridden around in Strykers, I’ve attended numerous Live Fire Demos, I’ve had the opportunity to “play” with and fire numerous weapons. I’ve met the President of the United States.  Those are some of my more exciting adventures. I’ve also had some challenging adventures – they aren’t necessarily fun, but I’m thankful for the opportunity to realize that I am tougher than I look and that God really doesn’t give you more than HE can handle!  I’ve been pregnant twice during deployments.  My husband made it home both times and we had Hallmark Moment reunions. (One was a Christmas surprise!) 

2. Travel: I am moving to Germany.  I am not paying for it. That’s right…an all expense paid trip to tour Europe, complete with my own house, my own bed and my own car.   Do I really need to explain more? 

3. Freedom:  A few years ago, I had the opportunity to interview Joanne Holbrook Patton for an article.  She’s lovely…really, really lovely.  I was so nervous but she was easy to talk to and so kind to my bumbling interviewer tactics.  I will never forget one point she shared with me about being an Army Spouse.  She said that we have opportunities not available to those in the civilian world. She described how, across the Military, spouses that see a need in their community come together to create change or improve their world for the better.  For example, the National Military Family Association was founded by spouses literally stalking Congressional offices to lobby for Survivor Benefits.  Today’s Family Readiness groups were borne from social groups that units formed to provide information and social opportunities to the spouses. This really crystallized for me this past year.  I served on the board for the Fort Bliss spouses club. In the course of my duties, I found myself standing in an empty old commissary and Mrs. Patton’s words floated through my head.  The building was in the process of being gutted and rebuilt as a new Thrift shop and activity center for the post. I was there waiting for my turn to brief the Commanding General on this project. I had spent the last few months discussing the design, blueprints and construction with well-educated architects, highly paid industrial design consultants and electrical engineers.  I help run a 501c(3) with a budget of  well over $200,000.  We gave away about $50,000 annually directly to people in our community.  I was trusted with steering a construction project with a budget of $100,000.  But, I am an unemployed, stay-at-home mom. That’s one heck of an opportunity!

4. Action Figure Husband:   My husband is a real life action hero.  Not to brag, but he’s a stud.  He’s handsome, well-muscled and fit.  And he has an ethical code that would rival any superhero’s. 

5. Passion, Drama, Romance, Suspense:  Really, most people have to go to a movie theater for this kind of stuff!   Some of it is great – like that first jubilant hug and kiss as you welcome your soldier home from a deployment.  Some of it is not great, such as waiting out that deployment.  There’s suspense and agony, joy and heartache in deployments.  But, boy is there Romance!  Most couples get one honeymoon period after their marriage. Military couples get a honeymoon period after long TDY’s,  field exercises, deployments and during R&Rs.  

What do you love best about being a Military Spouse?

Congratulations!

I’d like to give a big shout-out and congratulations to my mother. She was selected for a new job today. It’s a pretty big promotion for her.

The story could end there since you’re probably wondering why you care that my mother was promoted today.  I’d really like to share her story since I find it inspiring. She married my father at 19. He was a young MP at his first duty station. She was a high school senior.  They fell in love, got married and lived happily ever after, right?  Not quite.  My mother said “Sure, I’ll marry you but I’m NOT going to be one of those Army Spouses that moves every two or three years.”  So, my father left the Army and got a job with Uncle Sam. 

Here’s the punch line to their story:  During my father’s employment with Uncle Sam and my childhood, we generally moved every year.  Yes, that’s every year. I mean literally, every summer on the last day of school we had moving trucks roll up to our home and pack everything up. We lived in the same place for two sequential years three times: when I was in 5^th/6^th grades, 8^th/9^th grades and in 11^th/12^th grades.   My list, though lacking in OCONUS assignments, was pretty extensive before I turned 18:  Kansas, New York, Georgia, Virginia, New Jersey, Illinois, Texas, New Jersey, Connecticut and Virginia.  There were a few repeats, but none in the exact same area or close enough together to be any benefit. 

As you might expect, a woman who married at 19 and spent the next 20 years following her husband around the country didn’t have a chance to complete any college courses.  (Pre-internet and online class days!)  She also didn’t have much of a “professional” career.  Jobs were frequently hard to come by and when you only stayed somewhere 9-12 months, you couldn’t afford to spend six months job hunting.  She worked a variety of jobs but none were particularly glamorous or exciting.  But, she took what she got and kept quietly plugging on.

My father retired young, after 25 years with Uncle Sam.  At the end of his career, he’d been able to “homestead” for a whopping five years…a life-time record for us!  It was then that my mother began her career.  She took a job to get her foot in the door and eventually moved into something she enjoyed within the same department.  She has risen steadily through her department and through the GS ranks. She’s become a reliable and respected subject matter expert and is sought-after for opinions and special taskings.  She makes a solid six figure paycheck and is just a few years away from earning her own retirement with Uncle Sam. 

But…remember…she is the spouse that followed her man.  She “gave up” her dreams and ambitions for love. She took whatever employment she found (certainly, no dream jobs!) and quit when the next move came. She sacrificed in many of the same ways we do as Military Spouses.  Yet she has triumphed. 

When I feel down because I’m frustrated at my decreased earning potential, my dismal job opportunities and the difficulties I face in continuing my education, I don’t have to look far for inspiration and reassurance.  My mother provides it for me.  She succeeded by being patient, putting her head down and doing the very best she could in whatever role she was given.  She waited for her turn. 

If you are troubled as you wait for your turn, spend some time reading Psalm 37.  Trust Him. Be Still for Him. Do Good Things. Wait for Him. And GOOD will come to you.  

Planning Makes Perfect?

We leave for Germany soon.  Yes, I’m a little freaked out.  I’ve been overwhelmed a few times over the last week and have been on the verge of some major crying outbursts but I’m managed to shake them off with only a few tears squeaking out.  I cope with stress and uncertainty by PLANNING.  List, lists, strategy and more!  So, here’s my plan for the BIG ADVENTURE!

   

Our flight leaves at 10:50pm out of BWI and is a direct flight into Ramstein.  It’s about a two hour drive up to BWI but can be longer if DC traffic throws us a curve ball. We land around 6am EST in Germany (noon in Germany) and then have a four hour drive to our new home. I’m very concerned about the kiddos being all out of “good behavior” after the drive up to the airport and the long wait to board. Plus,11pm is very late for the kids; my kids are pretty regimented when it comes to bedtimes and don't do well much after 8:30 or 9pm. (It’s a blessing that they go to bed so well but occasionally a drawback when we really need flexibility!) 

I'm planning to rent a hotel near the airport for the evening and drive-up to BWI early in the day.  After the drive, we’ll play at the hotel and swim in the pool, then dash over to the airport for an early check-in. Afterwards, we’ll grab dinner and get ready to FLY. I'm planning to dress the kids in their jammies. We may look a little goofy but I will do whatever it takes to induce bedtime sleepy thoughts for them! 

I don't know how to...

As Army Wives, we pride ourselves on our ability to do anything, when necessary.  Mechanic, landscaper, plumber, soccer coach, appliance repair, exterminator, boy scout  camp counselor and general handyman are all roles that come to mind.  While my kids aren’t old enough to do camping trips yet, I’ll lay claim to all of the above; I’m really pretty useful to have around.  My father raised a rather independent girl. He was quite the Mr. Fix-It and I was a Daddy’s Girl, so I remember tagging along on many of his adventures and some mis-adventures in various home and auto repair tasks.  I feel pretty confident with painting, caulking, basic plumbing , basic woodworking, auto repair, power tools and I’ve been known to mess around with electrical tasks, much to my father’s dismay. 

Sometimes, I feel a little bad for my husband because I tend to be like my two-year-old. “Me do it BY MYSELF!”  It’s a pride thing and, let’s be honest, it’s just sort of bad-ass to know your way around a power tool. Am I right?  

But, there are two areas where I draw the line:  I don’t mow the lawn and I don’t grill.  I know, these probably sound pretty silly to my fellow Army Wives.  I know, they aren’t hard and I could do them, but I just don’t want to. (Two Year Old: “Me NO DO IT!”)

Why don’t I mow lawns?  I’m not really sure, but I’ll go ahead and blame my parents.  For some reason, my father taught me everything except lawn mowing.  They always had my brother do it when we were teenagers.  I remember mowing once. I made one pass across the backyard and they sent my brother out to do it for me.  I’m guessing that perhaps I was doing a really terrible job?  Although, it doesn’t really seem that complicated. Regardless, I’m ok with not mowing the lawn. I didn’t particularly enjoy it...it’s sweaty, the grass sticks to you, it takes a hunk of time out of the day and it can be hard work when you’re trying to hurry or have hills in the yard.  So, I have no desire to mow the lawn. Fortunately, I’m blessed with a husband that gets tremendous satisfaction from a well mowed yard.  I know what my fellow Military Spouses are thinking: What about when he leaves, Ms. I-don’t-mow-lawns?  Well, I still don’t mow lawns.  I don’t enjoy it, so I don’t do it. I know I can’t apply that reasoning to every unpleasant task, but let’s be honest…it’s pretty easy to out-source my lawn mowing duties.  I have twenty bucks and there are teen boys that will do it for me.  Deployments come with lots of extra duties and I decided long ago that I would rather skip a few Starbucks visits than mow the lawn. 

As for grilling, I’m somewhat less adamant about that and I’m even less sure about why I don’t do it.  It wasn’t a conscious decision. It was more of a realization.  I bought steaks one day to grill, then realized my husband was in the field and I didn’t know how to work the darned thing.  And, I had no desire to learn.  I think the crux of the matter is that grilling is usually an event, a family event, a social event or a party.  It wasn’t simply a means to provide food…it was an occasion.  So, when my husband isn’t around to grill, I don’t really want to anyway.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to attending a cook out while my husband is away…I’ll certainly attend but there’s usually someone else manning the grill, my dad or a friend’s husband or something.  I don’t have to do it. 

So there it is.  I am a Proud Army Spouse – Mom, Wife and SuperWoman, but I don’t mow lawns and I don’t grill.  What do you think about that?  Are there any tasks you refuse to do?

Why is it so heavy?

I generally think that by kid #3, I've got this Mom thing down.  I know that I don't have to haul around a suitcase of clothes and a medicine cabinet in my diaper bag since a crisis of that magnitude is rare.  So, why, oh why, do I feel like my diaper bag is slowing ripping my shoulder off?

Weapons Cache?

This is what I pulled out of my diaper bag recently.  I had a spare ten minutes and decided to clean out my bag.  Yes, clean it out...meaning I go through it looking for something other than my keys, wallet and emergency wipe and I have my hands in it longer than it takes to shove a toy inside. 

Seriously...no wonder it felt like it weighed a ton. It did.  There are five, yes FIVE, Monster Jam trucks alone in there.  Five! What on earth was I thinking?  Plus at least three other face cars, a set of LEGO wheels, two Mickey board books, a Mickey, a Daisy, two pairs of girly sunglasses and two baby rattles and a baby teething toy. 

Sheesh.

Note to self: Clean out diaper bag more often.  I haven't even mentioned how much money I found stuffed in there!

5 Tips for a Stress Free Move

Spring is in the air and I don’t know about anyone else, but for me, spring brings the promise of gorgeous weather, blooming flowers and moving trucks!  Yes, moving trucks. For me, warm weather is nearly synonymous with brightly colored moving vans, bare white walls and the smell of fresh cardboard boxes.  I currently claim 23 moves to my name, so though I might be excited by the prospect of blank walls and a house filled with cardboard and packing paper, I realize not everyone feels the same way. If you are feeling a little bit of stress about the upcoming move, here are five of my best tips for making your move successful and stress-free.

1. Plan early and often!  There’s a reason the Military loves Long Range Training Calendars and Operations Orders; they go a long way to keeping everyone on the same page and working together.  We may not always have a nice leisurely three or four months to plan a PCS, but the sooner you start working out logistics the better.  Scheduling your movers and making hotel reservations ahead of time is critical in these busy summer months.  Starting early will also help you get the info and paperwork you need for any travel advances and dislocation allowances. And, speaking of money, if you know a move is coming up, sooner is always better to start building up a tiny cushion of reserve funds to prevent that PCS money crunch.  I also like to do a little purging and organizing around the house before the packers come.  Though things get a little jumbled in the packing process, I feel like organizing ahead of time helps to ensure similar items are packed together for easy unpacking at our new home.  And don’t forget those sugar bowls and trash cans!  The movers are fast and thorough; your sugar and your trash are likely to get packed if you don’t take care of it ahead of time.  Cleaning things well before the packers come, especially things like couch cushions, carpets and high chairs, will help ensure you don’t have some additional cargo of the insect variety at your destination.  

2. Find your Security Blanket.  My security blanket during our moves is a checklist that I affectionately refer to as the “Omnibus.”  As long as I have my checklist, all is A-okay!  I call my list the “Omnibus” because it’s a series of smaller lists that I’ve merged into one and it covers all the major pre-PCS planning steps, starting about four months out from a move.  I keep the file on my computer and update it after each move with anything I forgot or needed to add. When we’re ready for our next move, I print it off, cross off things that don’t apply and I’m ready to get to work.  I leave extra space in there to add notes and new tasks to the list. I love lists, so I also have lists for packing our suitcases and car and for extra stuff we need if we are camping out in Temporary Quarters for a while. You don’t have to be quite as Type-A as I am, but I do strongly encourage some organizational system, whether it’s a file folder, a notebook, a file box or whatever works for you. PCS means lots of paperwork and lots of things on your mind.  I find great peace in knowing everything is in one place when I need it.

3. Be Kind to your Movers.  This is simple but effective. Your movers are working hard for you and you’re trusting them with all of your possessions.  If you treat them as guests in your home (very hard working guests) everyone has a better attitude and a better experience.  Plus, when you are friendly and chat with your crew, you’d be surprised about the tips and tricks you pick up from them.  I have always made an effort to provide drinks and some food for our crews.  According to the DOD contracts with the moving agencies, this is not required and the movers must bring their own supplies.  However, I remain firm that a little good will goes a long way to making your packing, loading and unloading a pleasant experience.  Over the years, I’ve tried different things – coffee and donuts, ordering pizza and various take out options.  I’ve come to two realizations – they are appreciative of any gesture you make and fast food is EXPENSIVE!  Now, my usual plan is to purchase some disposable foil pans and refrigerated cinnamon rolls for the morning and some frozen lasagna, a frozen garlic bread and a bag of salad at the commissary.   It’s very affordable, easy to pop in the oven, and tasty.  The movers love it since it’s a change from the usual fast food fare.  If your budget can’t stretch that far, even picking up a few spare bottles of water to toss in the fridge or having some extra ice on hand is a kindness that will be appreciated.

 

4.  Remember to de-stress your babies – two-legged and four-legged.  We get stressed in the PCS process and it’s easy to overlook signs of stress in your children and your pets. The changes can be scary for them and they can easily pick up on our stress.  Make a conscious effort to build in some “down time” and “fun time” for your family as you prepare to PCS and begin your travels.  It’s tempting to drive as long and as far as you can each day, but I promise you there is great value in making one day a shorter driving day and finding something to do that doesn’t involve watching the scenery fly by.  Depending on where we have been, we’ve enjoyed stops at local parks, wandering big outdoor outlet malls, splurging at an amusement park, visiting national monuments and stopping into visit friends along our travel route. 

5. Keep a sense of humor. One day, in the not-too-distant future, you will be settled in your new home and your PCS stress and adventures (and mis-adventures) will be but a memory and, eventually, most of your mis-adventures will be funny.  Until then, hang in there and keep reminding yourself that this is only temporary!  Remember, the 30 days before and 90 days after your PCS are the toughest to get through. 

Good luck and best wishes with your PCS. 

*This article appeared in the National Military Family Association's "Voice for Military Families" June/July 2012 edition. For more articles, check out www.militaryfamily.org.