The one in which we declare our wierdness

Big changes are coming to our household this year...We've decided to take a giant leap of faith and will be homeschooling our MonsterBoy and Bunny Girl.

It's not easy for me to share that here -- outing ourselves as homeschoolers.  I'm writing this now, nearly a month after we made the decision, only because I've come to some peace with it.  We made this decision knowing that our extended family members and some of our friends will have varying reactions.  It's not easy to "go against the flow."  Homeschooling has come a LONG way since I first heard of it. (In fifth grade, a friend was pulled from school to be homeschooled and the general concensus was "Horrible, terrible, awful idea.")  My views of homeschooling have changed dramatically over the last four years, thanks to some dear friends setting a great example for us.  I'm so very, very grateful for these ladies and their kind, loving and non-judgemental support, their honest advice and opinions, and their never-ending patience in answering my ba-zillion questions as we waded through this decision-making process.  I am thankful that I can rely on their enthusiastic support and encouragement this year.  Reactions have varied among our extended family. Some have withheld judgement and comment so I can't gauge their reaction which is probably a blessing. Some have pledged whole-hearted support, even if I suspect they may not be or may not have been totally on board. (But, can I just say how grateful I am for that unconditional love?) Some have expressed bewilderment nad have peppered us with questions about the process; we've tried to answer as honestly as possible. (Even if the answers are "Um. Yeah, we're going to figure that out as we go.")  And, sadly, some have been negative reactions; this has been the hardest to deal with, of course. (My impulse is toward sarcasm. "Oh...thank you for pointing that out. I had not realized how [insert adjective: hard, exhausting, trying, challenging, time-consuming, etc] it would be." Mature, I know. That's why I try to keep my comments in my head.)

I'd like to say, first off, that this decision is NOT a judgement on schooling choices, for anyone.  It's merely a reflection of our general parenting philosphy: There's a wide range of normal and acceptable ways to parent our children; we each must make decisions we believe are best for our family and make sure they are decisions we can live with.  We believe that homeschooling is simply one of the wide range of options available to us for educating our children.

My dear homeschooling mama friends helped to set me straight on a few homeschooling myths and I am grateful.
1. Most homeschool families aren't in a cult and don't have crazy conspiracy theories about public school brainwashing children.
2. My friends also don't wear denim jumpers. (You might be ridiculed beyond belief and labeled "80's Flashback" if you do.)
3. They like fashion, make-up, going to the movies, listening to music, enjoying desert and a glass of wine. You know, normal stuff.
4. Their children are, in a word, awesome. The homeschool kids I know are well-socialized, outgoing, poised, individuals and generally have a better grasp on holding a conversation with people of diverse backgrounds, ages, interests than most kids.
5.  I've also learned that most of my friends don't have a background in education, college isn't a deciding factor, nor is having been homeschooled themselves. Most were not homeschooled, in fact. Some knew before their kids were born they would homeschool. Some decided after school started and wasn't a good fit. Others were more like me: reluctant, semi-unwilling skeptics.
 
For us, we chose homeschooling because it seems to make sense for us to try right now.  We have toyed with the idea for the last few years, but did not share this with many people.  We have no clue whether this will be a forever thing and frankly that's waaaaaay too much pressure to deal with at this point. So, we've simply made this decision for RIGHT NOW.  Literally, a month to month basis. Worst Case Scenario:  In a few months, we call this a failed experiment and we put him in school.  He's bright enough and has enough knowledge and skills under his belt that we probably won't ruin his chances at Harvard in Kindergarten.

This started because we worried that MonsterBoy would not do well in a traditional school environment. We saw this in preschool and had one outstanding teacher that helped us identify the cause. He's very high energy and had been labeled a trouble-maker by his previous preschool teachers. We'd get reports that he was bothering the other kids and being disruptive. Finally, last year, when I asked his teacher about this she laughed and said, "No, he's not a trouble maker...he's very, very bored. He picks up the new material in two minutes, finishes his worksheet about three minutes later and then has 20 minutes to be bored while the other kids finish their work." She was incredible and did extra work to plan additional assignments and learning tasks for him, so he stayed engage. Once this started, we  didn't have a single problem or complaint. He LOVED school.  Unfortunately, our experience has been that exceptional teachers like hers are true gems -- rare, precious and not always available.  Sadly for us, she was promoted to Director of the  preschool programs in halfway through last year. Suddenly, MonsterBoy reverted to old behaviors and we started getting the same reports each day from his new teachers about his disruptions and bothering the other children. I coached MonsterBoy to ask his teachers for paper and crayons to entertain himself while the otehr kids were working.  This worked to occupy him but it always made me a little sad when he came home with 8-12 elaborate vehicle sketches; it seemed like such a wasted opportunity. We worry that this pattern will repeat itself over the next few years and that he will be labeled a trouble-maker, or worse.  I'm not saying he's brilliant or the next Einstein, just that he works at a different pace than some other students.  With homeschooling, we have the flexibility to move as fast or as slow as needed.  If I'm picking his course work, I can select levels that challenge him.  I've selected a mix of kindergarten and first grade work for this year, because I believe he can do it.

The other big factor in this is the "Army-ness."  There are several compelling Army-related reasons for us.  First, I grew up a product of moving schools each year.  Generally, it was fine but I did experience some of the troubles of switching school districts and curriculum so frequently. If we continue this for several years, we have the benefit of a consistent learning plan.  We also don't have to worry about whether or not the school district in a new location will have programs or educational offerings suitable to him.  Second, Army schedules are unpredictable. We never know when Soldier will have time off, beyond two designated block leave periods that are generally during the most expensive travel weeks of the year. With four kids, we can't afford that! Since I control the class schedule, I can plan a week off  in February to visit family when flights are cheap. If Soldier's in the field for a month, I can pack up our books and skip town for several weeks to visit family. This year, I'm doing a eight week on, one week off schedule so I have time to regroup and reassess while we experiment. I'm also scheduling a month long break in December when Baby #4 arrives. We will still get the same number of instructional days as the public school. The upside: I can accomplish in 2-4 hours a day when it takes a school 7-8 hours to do because I'm only managing one kid.

The last reason for this decision is something I referenced earlier. While I don't have some big conspiracy theory about public schools, I do question their ability to meet my son's educational needs needs and keep him safe and happy. We won't always have outstanding teachers and we won't always have diligent staff members watching our kids at the schools and on the buses. He won't always have someone who realizes if he isn't mastering a subject. I'm not knocking public school...I'm just saying that I am aware of both the strengths and weaknesses.  In general, I find it very troubling that the US has the highest per capita expenditures on public education yet we have some of the most dismal results. There's a big disconnect for me. We've looked into private school and discovered a couple of things. First, private schools do not always have "better teachers" or better programs. Second, with four kids we will NOT be able to float that bill!

I won't lie and pretend this was an easy decision for us. First and foremost: I worried that I wasn't "enough" for this: not smart enough, not organized enough, not disciplined enough, not creative enough, sooooo not patient enough, etc, etc, etc. Those were some HUGE fears for me...especially patience and organization. What if I lost my cool every day or I never got a single thing done??  On the selfish side, I also was reluctant to give up what little free time I have. I don't have much, but it was nice to grocery shop with one kid when the other two were at preschool. Over the last 8 years of Army Life, I've enjoyed participating in activities like PWOC, the spouses' clubs, FRGs and other volunteer outlets. I'm not certain I will have time for all of that. I had ambitions of seeing the inside of a gym later this year and actually trying to regain a shape other than round and jiggly after this baby. I also wanted to go back to school myself at some point and maybe rejoin the workforce that receives pay for our work someday. I felt like I was giving up a lot. And sometimes I still do. This is where my friends came in...turns out they all feel like that. Several shared their personal struggles and dreams; I'm fortified knowing that I'm not alone in my feelings.  I'm also encouraged in knowing that normal woman can do this and they still have social lives, hopes, dreams and ambitions.  More to the point on school, work and the gym: If I'm being honest, those were all a long way off anyway with #4 coming. So, worrying about that is borrowing trouble.

In the end, we're experimenting this year to see if it works for us.  MonsterBoy is bright and has learned a lot in preschool.  We're giving it a whirl. If it works, awesome. If it doesn't, no big deal and we'll enroll him in school whenever we need to.  I am confident enough in our ability to muddle through that I don't think he'd be terribly behind if that happened.  So, onward we go with our grand experiment.  I don't have all the answers yet, but we've chosen our curriculum, sketched out a school calendar and a daily routine.  The rest, I plan to make up as we go on! 

Breaking Radio Silence

I looked at my blog today and realized my last post was Mid-March.  Whoops. Again. I'm pretty sure I have more "catch-up" blog posts on this thing than regular posts. In my defense, Mid-March was the last time life was normal and I had some wits about me.  So, here's the fast-forward:

PCS Adventures
 April 1 kicked of PCS season for us.  OCONUS moves are seriously the PCS gifts that keep on giving. They take forever and NEVER. SEEM. TO. END.  We packed out our household goods on April 24th and kicked it Army-furniture style until June.  We did this intentionally because we really wanted our stuff ready and waiting when we arrived in Kansas. It's much easier to borrow furniture and household items in Germany (from Army Furnishings or ACS and from friends!) than it is stateside and in a new location where you may not have friends with fully furnished homes!  Shipping early paid off because our stuff arrived June 8th, before we had even left Germany!  We were thrilled to book our delivery date so early and beat the  PCS rush in Leavenworth.  (Crazy happens there!)  Our main household goods arrived July 2nd. We unpacked in 48 hours, no joke. It will probably stand as our family record until Soldier retires because we had Grammie on-hand doing crowd control.  (She's AWESOME!)  But, joke's on us because our shipment of stuff from storage arrived a week late.  We hustled to get that put away just in time to receive our Unaccompanied Baggage.  By that point, our enthusiasm for unpacking was about zilch.  I'm still anxiously awaiting the arrival of my mommyvan...15 days, but who's counting?

Final Fling in France
We left Hohenfels on June 8th and headed to France for our final fling in Europe.  We stayed one night in Verdun and checked out some of the battlefield sites and the cemetery.  It's beautiful there and I wish we'd had a little more time to hike and wander the area.  We spent the next four days in Normandy, at a tiny bed and breakfast near Carentan.  The owners were a retired British couple and were just really, really lovely.   They doted on our kids as if they were their own grandchildren.  Whenever one of the kids ended up missing, I'd usually find them in the kitchen getting a chocolate biscuit from the owner or outside playing with the dog.  We spent one day out at the owners cottage in La Fiere where they hosted a cook out and picnic for their guests.  La Fiere was the site of the largest small arms battle of World War II.  Paratroopers dropped there in the early hours of D-Day to secure a key roadway.  We witnessed the commemorative drop. It was such a festive, joyful atmosphere.  It was incredible to see how the locals really celebrate this occasion and the lingering sense of gratitude for the D-Day invasion.  Sadly, due to sequestration, no Americans participated in the drop.  The next two days were spent working our way down the coastline of Normandy.  Really, I never imagined I would stand on Omaha beach and watch the waves crash on the rocks.  But, we did. The American Cemetery was incredibly moving and I'm grateful for the opportunity to have visited.  There were tons of fun museums along the way.  Monster Boy was in Army Vehicle Heaven on this trip!  Our next stop was Disneyland Paris, where we spent four days in a magical wonderland. The kids were great ages for this trip.  Disneyland Paris is smaller than the mega Disney World in Florida that I'm more familiar with, but it was the perfect size for this trip and our kids.  We also were there just before the peak summer travel season, so crowds weren't too bad.  (And those early entrance hours for Disney Resort guests were MONEY!)  While at Disney, we took a day trip into Paris.  It wasn't the best experience, but I saw the Eiffel Tower and checked off another Bucket List item! Since we were pressed for time and looking for something easy and stress-free, we did a bus trip through the park.  Bus trips are pretty much the WORST way to see a city, I've decided.  It also poured rain that day, which was a bummer at the Eiffel Tower.  The upside: we could have been walking all over the city with three kids and a stroller in the rain, so it's not all bad! In the end, we saw a teeeny bit of Paris, I stood in the Eiffel Tower and we stayed mostly dry.  I'd love to go back one day and stay in the city to get a real Paris experience but that may be something for kid-free trip. (Someday, haha.)

Coming to America!
After France, we spent the weekend in Ramstein with friends we met at Ft Bliss. They graciously opened their home to us and it was WONDERFUL!   After nearly two weeks in a hotel, the kids had playmates, toys, a backyard to run in and the most spectacular digging pit that ever was.  I think we still might be digging sand out of their hair.  We took the time to regroup, do laundry,  repack and clean the van.  After a roadtrip, it needed some serious help before we turned it in to be shipped back to the states.  Our final night was spent on Ramstein AFB at the Lodging. It was relatively easy to get up the next morning, catch the shuttle to the airport and check-in for our flight. We spent the next week in VA catching up with family and made the final push to Leavenworth. Soldier drove our new-to-us Toyota Seqoiua to KS with by poor Father a trailer of furniture from my parent's house. (My poor dad...he keeps moving me out of the house. Over, and over, and over again.)  I got the easy job and flew with the kiddos and Grammie!   The final bonus from this PCS:  we arrived in KS just in time to attend my cousin's wedding.  I was beyond excited because we pretty much NEVER get to attend family functions thanks to Army-ness.  It was a real treat for me. 


So, that's it! We are now settled in our new home, all unpacked. I'm LOVING the Leavenworth life right now. I love our sweet little home, I love our neighborhood (seriously, awesome neighborhood!), I love the town, I love having some family nearby.  Soldier is still on sham schedule since his class isn't in full swing yet, so we're getting lots of chores done and having fun together as a family. 

Happy Thursday!

All I Know about Parenting, I Learned from a Gambler

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.

~ The Gambler lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Sung by Kenny Rogers, Written by Don Schlitz

You've got to know when to hold 'em 

Kids need all the love, snuggles and affection you can give them. I don't believe in too much loving! When faced with tears, you've got to know when they  need extra love love and snuggles. Know when they need reassurance. And, when faced with the fake-cry, know when to tell them to "drive on, soldier."

You've got to know when to fold 'em

You know what I'm talking about...know when to thrown in the cards. You've got to realize when you are asking too much of a child. You've got to realize when you're holding on to a rule or drawing a line that's not worth the fight. And when the catastrophic meltdown occurs, you've got to assess when the situation is salvageable and when it's time to just head home or go to bed.  

Know when to walk away.

Your kids will push your buttons, until you are just about exploding. Know when to walk away.  They will push boundaries and test you to gauge your reaction. Walk away and show them the behavior didn't raise your eyebrows. One day they will grow up and step outside of your comfort zone...you'll have to let them do it as you walk away.

Know when to run.

Follow your instincts. When you have that feeling that your baby's in danger...run. When they are sick and you just know something isn't right...run. When you hear the cry that sends chills of fear down your spine...run. Remember that catastrophic meltdown? Yeah, go ahead and run. But, also remember to run when you're in a big open field of grass; run with joy.  

You never count your money while you're sitting at the table.

Don't congratulate yourself on a well-behaved dinner out while you're still in the restaurant. Don't compare your kids to others. Don't congratulate yourself on how well-behaved, smart or talented your kids area. Don't congratulate yourself on being an awesome parent.

There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.

 Your babies will be grown and gone someday and you'll have decades to rehash how you raised them, how wonderful they are and how awesome of a parent you were. Or you'll look back and see areas where you wish you'd done better. Spend your time now focusing on doing the absolute best you can so you don't regret anything in the future. And remember that restaurant? If you're still sitting at the table, there's still time for a kid to chuck a spoon and a nearby patron or sneeze snotwads onto a bald man's head as you're walkin' out the door. 

Just Acknowledge the Suck

Let me start by saying, I love my children fiercely, with passion and more than I ever thought possible. There is NOTHING on this planet that could replace them.

Now that I've made that clear...I just need to say that days/weeks/months like this make me year for they days when I went to an office each day. 

I'm worn out.  Exhausted. My house is a wreck. I have a to-do list a mile long.  Miraculously, my laundry is done. I'm not even sure how I've managed that.

I'm in the midst of "sick kids."  I'm not joking or exaggerating when I say that the kids, collectively have been healthy a grand total of 6 days in the last month. We started out February with a cold.  After a couple day recovery, we rolled right into a upper respiratory virus that included conjunctivitis.  Oh yeah...viral pink eye x 3. Then, Monster Boy ended up with bacterial conjunctivitis, probably from rubbing his little eyes so much with the viral version. Awesome.  I managed to dodge the conjunctivitis portion but did get one doozie of a head cold and spent a weekend in bed.  We had one week at the beginning of March where all were healthy and cautiously ventured out.  Then we had a stomach bug that morphed into another chest cold type thing that had Bunny Girl couch-ridden for three days.  Just as I declared her "safe,"  Monster Boy had his turn. 

Soldier's been on a crazy training rotation for about two months.  I think he's had two days off?  Maybe?  I honestly can't remember, that's how few.  He leaves around 5am, comes home around 8pm, eats dinner and is sound asleep by 9:30. 

I'm weary...of illness...of the rotations...of the messy house...of the sloth I feel because I sit around the house all day snuggling sick, whiny kids...I'm weary.

Now, before you try to cheer me up, Please...just don't.  I know all the "right" responses:

• The "Older Mom" Response:   It goes fast.  Cherish those snuggles. [I have. Every day. All day. For 30 days.]

•  The "Army Wife" Response:  Be glad your husband's not deployed. [I am. But seriously...if he was totally in the field or TDY, I would get a break from meal prep, cleaning up after his breakfast dishes and the excessive piles of laundry that magically appear in the back of his HMMWV to bring home for me.]

• The Christian Response:  Cherish your role and God-given responsibilities.  Throw in a few quotes from Titus 2 or Proverbs 31.   Bring your weariness to Jesus and lay it at his feet. [Got it. Doing it. Thanks for the sympathetic reminder and for making me feel like an even bigger failure than I did before. Clearly, you have it all together, all the time.]

 Could we, for just one moment, skip that part and just acknowledge the "Suck?"  Seriously.  I just want to hear someone say: Yes, this sucks. I can see that you are about to loose your mind, pull your hair out, run away from home and drink heavily until everything seems fuzzy.  I understand that you might climb out of your skin the next time a child drapes him or herself on you instead of using the lovely chairs and couches you have for sitting.  I will ask you questions because I know that you are using every ounce of love and patience you have to sweetly reply "Yes, Honey?" when a little person calls your name for the 47th time in thirty seconds.  In fact, I won't speak to you at all because I know your brain is full and simply can not follow another conversation right now.  I'm just going to let you sit, still and quiet because you haven't had that lately.  I'll  stay with your sick kids so you can go away to be still and quiet because this moment sucks.

I would hug the person, maybe cry out of exhaustion and frustration.  And then, I would hug my babies tighter and politely tell the kind soul that there was no way I could leave them when they felt so miserable and needed extra love from their Mama.  [Truthfully, I'm not very good at leaving them when they are healthy, but that's a crisis for another day!]

The S- Word

Sequestration.

I can honestly say that this was not a word in my vocabulary until recently.  If you aren't up to speed on the federal budget situation and the looming automatic spending cuts,  the National Military Family Association has several very good blog posts that give a glimpse of how this impacts military families.   Defense Secretary Leon Panetta issued a follow-up memo recently that states the vast majority of the DOD civilian workforce would be placed on Administrative Furlough if sequestration occurs. 

What we don't know right now is what those furloughs look like, despite being nearly two weeks into this and two weeks days away from the expiration of the current funding.  Will programs be closed completely?  Restricted in operating hours? Operating on reduced staffing?  Will Military Families be able to utilize services that we rely up on. Of particular concern for me is the Child Development Centers.  During previous "crisis" scenarios, they have been deemed mission-essential however there has been no guarantee for this yet.  Rumors are swirling that the services might be restricted to dual-service members or single-parent service members.   If this happens, spouses that rely upon this for civilian employment, may be left in the lurch.  There are quite a few military spouses that are employed as DOD Civilians, so in addition to facing furloughs they could face paying for childcare they won't use just to keep their slot reserved.

For my family, there's a fair amount of uncertainty. We are awaiting PCS orders. Mysteriously, the RFO and orders promised to us by January have been pushed to February and now "sometime in March or April."  This is purely speculation on my part, but I am a tad nervous that crazy budget-related things could happen to derail this much-anticipated (and very important from a career standpoint) PCS.  I've been looking into housing and schools at the new location. I've been unable to make any decisions about preschool for Bunny Girl since the CDC at the new location isn't confident they will have the staff to offer the Preschool program.
It's very sad to see how programs are being abandoned and fees are being raised for various programs. The net effect of these budget cuts are that military families are absorbing the cuts into our family budget.  (While facing fewer services, longer waits for necessary service like healthcare and other cuts.)

I don't know what the future will look like for Army families. I firmly believe that Army families are resilient and have proven themselves resourceful and adept at making-do, improvising and rallying to meet a need.  I just regret that the lessons we learned post 9/11 about supporting military families may be lost. 

When it rains it pours...

Hello, World!

My poor, little blog has been sadly neglected this month.  We've been bogged down by various plagues in our house.  We've passed so many colds around that I've lost track of who was Patient Zero and who's had which iteration thus far.  Pink eye struck the house last week and. can I just say:  EW?  Seriously, that is a gross deal.  Poor Monster Boy developed an extra "special" case of conjunctivitis that necessitated a trip to the Optometrist this week and even more medications for his poor eye.  Just looking at his icky-eye was painful. The bright side:  I'm now a jedi-master-ninja at squirting eye ointment at the speed of light into the squinty eyes of wiggling, flailing children. Think I can put that on a resume?

Thankfully, or unfortunately, my parents visited that week.  I appreciate the extra set of hands, but the great green gobs of goo kept us home most of the time.  I can't say that my parents got a very good taste of life in Germany but we enjoyed their company and got lots of snuggle and play time in.  They left this morning and I'm praying they don't discover any "souvenirs" from their trip after they return home.  (In the form of icky-eyes or colds!) 

In Army world, we're still doing the never-ending wait for the RFO and Orders.  The promised arrival date in January and then February has come and gone.  I'm trying to keep my cool since I really think our HHG should be on a BOAT heading back to the states by the end of April and the clock is ticking, ticking, ticking away. Never a dull moment...

The good news:  I am STILL managing to stay on the FlyLady bandwagon.  I've been much more successful this year with my Home Blessing Hours.  I've discovered that "half-assing" (pardon the phrase) my chores really does keep my house clean (Despite what my father told me when I shirked my chores as a teenager!)   I've discovered that Monster Boy loves to clean and is a great little helper when we do our "dash around the house" as he calls it.

Also, I'm still LOVING this Bavarian Winter. I still love the snow: tiny flakes, fat flakes, wet flakes or frozen ice pellets!  My only regret is that we haven't had a real heap of snow dumped on us.  The most we've had was about 6-7 inches.

Soldier hasn't had a day off since January 28th and just found out this will be a three-day weekend for him. We're hoping to head to Dresden for kicks and giggles. Don't know what we'll see, don't know what we'll do and don't' know where we'll stay....I'm just hoping everyone stays HEALTHY for a few days of fun!

Guest Post over at GetMeGeeky!

You've read about my love for Evernote and my love[to hate] relationship with the FLYLady.  Now you can read about them TOGETHER over at GetMeGeeky's Blog.  Lauren asked me to do a guest post for her about how I used Evernote to create my FLYLady Control Journal. 

With the awesome data organization options in Evernote and the routines of the FLYLady,  I now have the SUPER CONTROL JOURNAL: One Control Journal to Rule Them All. (LOTR reference?  Was that too Geeky?)   Check it out and jump on the bandwagon.  Lauren's e-book Evernote for Moms will get you up and running in just a few hours (you can break it into 15 minute pieces to fit it into naptimes!)  And FLYLady has a 31 Day Beginner aby Steps outline to get you started FLYing.  

Lastly, as FLYLady would say:  You are not behind! Don't try to catch up, don't do it all at once. Start small and you will get there!