Just Acknowledge the Suck

Let me start by saying, I love my children fiercely, with passion and more than I ever thought possible. There is NOTHING on this planet that could replace them.

Now that I've made that clear...I just need to say that days/weeks/months like this make me year for they days when I went to an office each day. 

I'm worn out.  Exhausted. My house is a wreck. I have a to-do list a mile long.  Miraculously, my laundry is done. I'm not even sure how I've managed that.

I'm in the midst of "sick kids."  I'm not joking or exaggerating when I say that the kids, collectively have been healthy a grand total of 6 days in the last month. We started out February with a cold.  After a couple day recovery, we rolled right into a upper respiratory virus that included conjunctivitis.  Oh yeah...viral pink eye x 3. Then, Monster Boy ended up with bacterial conjunctivitis, probably from rubbing his little eyes so much with the viral version. Awesome.  I managed to dodge the conjunctivitis portion but did get one doozie of a head cold and spent a weekend in bed.  We had one week at the beginning of March where all were healthy and cautiously ventured out.  Then we had a stomach bug that morphed into another chest cold type thing that had Bunny Girl couch-ridden for three days.  Just as I declared her "safe,"  Monster Boy had his turn. 

Soldier's been on a crazy training rotation for about two months.  I think he's had two days off?  Maybe?  I honestly can't remember, that's how few.  He leaves around 5am, comes home around 8pm, eats dinner and is sound asleep by 9:30. 

I'm weary...of illness...of the rotations...of the messy house...of the sloth I feel because I sit around the house all day snuggling sick, whiny kids...I'm weary.

Now, before you try to cheer me up, Please...just don't.  I know all the "right" responses:

• The "Older Mom" Response:   It goes fast.  Cherish those snuggles. [I have. Every day. All day. For 30 days.]

•  The "Army Wife" Response:  Be glad your husband's not deployed. [I am. But seriously...if he was totally in the field or TDY, I would get a break from meal prep, cleaning up after his breakfast dishes and the excessive piles of laundry that magically appear in the back of his HMMWV to bring home for me.]

• The Christian Response:  Cherish your role and God-given responsibilities.  Throw in a few quotes from Titus 2 or Proverbs 31.   Bring your weariness to Jesus and lay it at his feet. [Got it. Doing it. Thanks for the sympathetic reminder and for making me feel like an even bigger failure than I did before. Clearly, you have it all together, all the time.]

 Could we, for just one moment, skip that part and just acknowledge the "Suck?"  Seriously.  I just want to hear someone say: Yes, this sucks. I can see that you are about to loose your mind, pull your hair out, run away from home and drink heavily until everything seems fuzzy.  I understand that you might climb out of your skin the next time a child drapes him or herself on you instead of using the lovely chairs and couches you have for sitting.  I will ask you questions because I know that you are using every ounce of love and patience you have to sweetly reply "Yes, Honey?" when a little person calls your name for the 47th time in thirty seconds.  In fact, I won't speak to you at all because I know your brain is full and simply can not follow another conversation right now.  I'm just going to let you sit, still and quiet because you haven't had that lately.  I'll  stay with your sick kids so you can go away to be still and quiet because this moment sucks.

I would hug the person, maybe cry out of exhaustion and frustration.  And then, I would hug my babies tighter and politely tell the kind soul that there was no way I could leave them when they felt so miserable and needed extra love from their Mama.  [Truthfully, I'm not very good at leaving them when they are healthy, but that's a crisis for another day!]