The BEST year of your life...?

I've been posting a LOT about home school, so I thought I'd do an Army-ish update.   As you know, we are currently at a "school" assignment.  It's about a nine month course and Soldier's class is conveniently synced with the traditional school year.  Students roll into town in July, class starts in August, graduation is in early June and everyone leaves town by the end of June.

In terms of his career, this is an important assignment and a great opportunity for professional development.  In fact, military friends (Soldiers and Spouses alike) raved about this assignment and called it :the BEST year of their life. First of all, I love all my friends, but I really, really HOPE that a year of Army schooling is not the Best Year of My Life.  Secondly, I began to hear this phrase so much that it felt like a punchline to a joke I didn't know yet.

As of right now, I'm thinking I was right and that I've figured out the joke.  This is NOT the best year of our lives and maybe not even the best year of our Army life.  So far, this year is kind of a bummer. (Though, I keep getting told that it gets better.  We'll see if I still feel the same way in January or March.)   In fact, I'm very discouraged on Army Life right now and Soldier's Army career, which is a HUGE switch for me.  (See the blog title, yeah, exactly.)  But, here's what I'm seeing:

1.  The Army is becoming very competitive, which is great in some ways.  And horrible in other ways.  Soldiers are being told going into this course that if they are not the #1 ranked officer in their OERs, they should say good-bye to dreams of battalion commands and careers beyond the next year or two.

2. The party line for this school is "School comes first, then your family, then hobbies/education/etc."  I think MANY of us that have gone through multiple deployments will have a problem with this.   YES, school is important but, seriously, no one is going to die if someone misses a class or a test.  I've seen this played out in several ways.  Soldier was denied a pass to travel and pick up my car when it arrived because repeating Sexual Harassment training for the second time in six monhts was more urgent.  Families that are entitled to 10 days of Paternity Leave for adoption or the birth of a child are being told "Well, legally, we're required to give you the time off.  But you still have to complete all of your assignments and tests on time, not late and not early."   Overall, we are getting the message that family is NOT a priority.

3. Future assignments are a hot button topic.  We (the spouses) all know that the next key assignment involves long hours, sleeping on cots in the office and Blackberries ringing at all hours of the night.  We've JUST come off of two really busy jobs, deployments, plus having a bunch of babies.  Germany was supposed to be our "break" and that never materialized in our whirlwind semester abroad.

Overall, the tone and feeling I'm getting is a retro one: "If the Army wanted you to have a family, you would have been issued one."  I don't like what this forecasts for Soldier's future Army Career and, quite honestly, it has me questioning whether or not Army Life is worth it.  Job Stability, health care benefits, retirement plans were all key benefits to staying in the Army, but all of these have been threatened recently due to political circumstances. Now, the outlook for our family is looking pretty bleak, too.  I'm rally starting to wonder if our friends that have ETS'd made the better choice. 

Breaking Radio Silence

I looked at my blog today and realized my last post was Mid-March.  Whoops. Again. I'm pretty sure I have more "catch-up" blog posts on this thing than regular posts. In my defense, Mid-March was the last time life was normal and I had some wits about me.  So, here's the fast-forward:

PCS Adventures
 April 1 kicked of PCS season for us.  OCONUS moves are seriously the PCS gifts that keep on giving. They take forever and NEVER. SEEM. TO. END.  We packed out our household goods on April 24th and kicked it Army-furniture style until June.  We did this intentionally because we really wanted our stuff ready and waiting when we arrived in Kansas. It's much easier to borrow furniture and household items in Germany (from Army Furnishings or ACS and from friends!) than it is stateside and in a new location where you may not have friends with fully furnished homes!  Shipping early paid off because our stuff arrived June 8th, before we had even left Germany!  We were thrilled to book our delivery date so early and beat the  PCS rush in Leavenworth.  (Crazy happens there!)  Our main household goods arrived July 2nd. We unpacked in 48 hours, no joke. It will probably stand as our family record until Soldier retires because we had Grammie on-hand doing crowd control.  (She's AWESOME!)  But, joke's on us because our shipment of stuff from storage arrived a week late.  We hustled to get that put away just in time to receive our Unaccompanied Baggage.  By that point, our enthusiasm for unpacking was about zilch.  I'm still anxiously awaiting the arrival of my mommyvan...15 days, but who's counting?

Final Fling in France
We left Hohenfels on June 8th and headed to France for our final fling in Europe.  We stayed one night in Verdun and checked out some of the battlefield sites and the cemetery.  It's beautiful there and I wish we'd had a little more time to hike and wander the area.  We spent the next four days in Normandy, at a tiny bed and breakfast near Carentan.  The owners were a retired British couple and were just really, really lovely.   They doted on our kids as if they were their own grandchildren.  Whenever one of the kids ended up missing, I'd usually find them in the kitchen getting a chocolate biscuit from the owner or outside playing with the dog.  We spent one day out at the owners cottage in La Fiere where they hosted a cook out and picnic for their guests.  La Fiere was the site of the largest small arms battle of World War II.  Paratroopers dropped there in the early hours of D-Day to secure a key roadway.  We witnessed the commemorative drop. It was such a festive, joyful atmosphere.  It was incredible to see how the locals really celebrate this occasion and the lingering sense of gratitude for the D-Day invasion.  Sadly, due to sequestration, no Americans participated in the drop.  The next two days were spent working our way down the coastline of Normandy.  Really, I never imagined I would stand on Omaha beach and watch the waves crash on the rocks.  But, we did. The American Cemetery was incredibly moving and I'm grateful for the opportunity to have visited.  There were tons of fun museums along the way.  Monster Boy was in Army Vehicle Heaven on this trip!  Our next stop was Disneyland Paris, where we spent four days in a magical wonderland. The kids were great ages for this trip.  Disneyland Paris is smaller than the mega Disney World in Florida that I'm more familiar with, but it was the perfect size for this trip and our kids.  We also were there just before the peak summer travel season, so crowds weren't too bad.  (And those early entrance hours for Disney Resort guests were MONEY!)  While at Disney, we took a day trip into Paris.  It wasn't the best experience, but I saw the Eiffel Tower and checked off another Bucket List item! Since we were pressed for time and looking for something easy and stress-free, we did a bus trip through the park.  Bus trips are pretty much the WORST way to see a city, I've decided.  It also poured rain that day, which was a bummer at the Eiffel Tower.  The upside: we could have been walking all over the city with three kids and a stroller in the rain, so it's not all bad! In the end, we saw a teeeny bit of Paris, I stood in the Eiffel Tower and we stayed mostly dry.  I'd love to go back one day and stay in the city to get a real Paris experience but that may be something for kid-free trip. (Someday, haha.)

Coming to America!
After France, we spent the weekend in Ramstein with friends we met at Ft Bliss. They graciously opened their home to us and it was WONDERFUL!   After nearly two weeks in a hotel, the kids had playmates, toys, a backyard to run in and the most spectacular digging pit that ever was.  I think we still might be digging sand out of their hair.  We took the time to regroup, do laundry,  repack and clean the van.  After a roadtrip, it needed some serious help before we turned it in to be shipped back to the states.  Our final night was spent on Ramstein AFB at the Lodging. It was relatively easy to get up the next morning, catch the shuttle to the airport and check-in for our flight. We spent the next week in VA catching up with family and made the final push to Leavenworth. Soldier drove our new-to-us Toyota Seqoiua to KS with by poor Father a trailer of furniture from my parent's house. (My poor dad...he keeps moving me out of the house. Over, and over, and over again.)  I got the easy job and flew with the kiddos and Grammie!   The final bonus from this PCS:  we arrived in KS just in time to attend my cousin's wedding.  I was beyond excited because we pretty much NEVER get to attend family functions thanks to Army-ness.  It was a real treat for me. 


So, that's it! We are now settled in our new home, all unpacked. I'm LOVING the Leavenworth life right now. I love our sweet little home, I love our neighborhood (seriously, awesome neighborhood!), I love the town, I love having some family nearby.  Soldier is still on sham schedule since his class isn't in full swing yet, so we're getting lots of chores done and having fun together as a family. 

Happy Thursday!

Make time for SOMETHING: Body Image Pt 2

As I wrote the other day, I’ve become very convicted that my lifestyle is not as healthy as it should be.  I’m not calling this a New Year’s Resolution because I hate them…I never keep it up and then it implies I must wait until January to try again. Failure on whatever I undertake is inevitable.  No, that’s not being a Debbie Downer, it’s just realistic. If I set a goal of eating no sugar or making it to the gym three times a week, I’m going to slip and eat a cookie.  Maybe twelve.  I’m going to miss a day at the gym, probably because I’m sick or have a sick kid, or maybe all at once.  And, honestly, I’ve tried to figure out how to revamp my weekly routine to fit in gym time three times a week and I am truly at a loss. I applaud those of you that manage this because I know that if I tried, it would be unsustainable. I’d go all-in for the first week or two and then fall off hard when I hit a bump. To take a page from the annoyingly-perky FlyLady, my perfectionism is crippling me.

So, I’m NOT setting a goal to run a 5K.  I’m NOT pledging to make it to the gym once, twice or three times a week.  I’m NOT embarking on a 30 day workout or a 30 day diet overhaul.  I’m NOT doing it because I know I will get discouraged waaaaaaay before that. 

My goal is to do SOMETHING.  Because SOMETHING is better than nothing. Maybe I will be super motivated and actually set foot in the fitness center on post.   Maybe I will make time for a DVD workout with the littles….they do get a big kick out of it.  Maybe I will throw some kettlebells and practice Olympic lifts with soldier. But, maybe I will do [baby]weighted squats holding a grouchy DeeDee while I make dinner.  Maybe I will sneak in a few stretches as I sit on the floor playing babydolls or trains.  I might even work in a few pushups while I pick up Legos each night.  Just, please, don’t peek on us through the windows because that probably looks like a whole lotta strange. 

I have some fitness fanatic friends [and a husband] that would argue this is not enough.  And, I agree, it’s not and I’m not going to look like Jillian Michaels or her fabulously toned assistants.  But, for me…it’s enough. I simply want to look back at the week and be happy because because I did SOMETHING, which is an improvement over NOTHING.   

Hate to Love and Love to Hate Her - FLYlady

It's January and that time of New Years Resolutions.  I never stick to them so I'm not bothering this year.  However, I am using the opportunity to revisit a few things that I used to enjoy but have fallen by the wayside.  A couple of years ago, I started following the FLYLady (makes it sound like a cult, haha)  and I loved it. However, sometime before DeeDee arrived, I got off track and never managed to get back into the groove after she was born. Then we moved, we were in transit for two months and waiting for household goods for two more months. Now, it's time for me to get back on track.

Truthfully, I don't even know who the FLYLady really is or how she became the FLYlady, but nevertheless she is.  FLY stands for Finally Loving Yourself.  I'm not sure how to describe her other than maybe a home-life coach and motivator.  She has a system for managing your home and home-life to keep your house neat, clean and keep you happy. Because, really, who is happy when your house is trashed and your to-do list is a mile long.  One of her key principles is letting go of perfectionism.  We expect so much from ourselves that we can't even begin to start and when we do "start" we take on so much that we can't possibly finish it.  I know I am guilty of putting off household chores until I have time do them "right!" or deciding to organize my closets only to get halfway through and stuff it all back in. She has lots of catch-phrases for her system, Here are a few of my favorites:

• You are not behind! I don't want you to try to catch up; I just want you to jump in where we are. O.K?    OK!  I am definitely the type of person that would say "I can't start a home organization routine if my home is a disorganized mess."   But, jumping in works.  I recommend avoiding everything on her website except the Baby Steps page since it can be overwhelming.  Add one thing in a day, or a week and eventually you will see big improvement.
• Housework done incorrectly is still blesses your family.  True!! I may not have time to properly clean the floors, but even a quick sweep is better than nothing and keeps the disasters from piling up.

• Deal with the Hot-Spot before it becomes a Fire!   The hot spots are those places in your house where things get dumped and clutter collects.  For me, its' my kitchen counter, my dining room table and my dresser.  I toss things there and never get around to going back for them.  Stuff really piles up.  FLYLady suggests doing 2 minute "fire drills" to put out those hot spots, twice a day.  Now, you're not goign to see a clean counter after the first evening. But, seriously, set the timer, go to work in one area and put things away...the RIGHT way...for two minutes. You'll be shocked at the improvement you get in a couple of days.  

 There are tons of other catch-phrases and tricks from the FLYLady but I can't list them all here.  Some of her baby-steps are a little "controversial."  (Like getting dressed to your shoes, laying out your clothes the night before, or writing out your routine.)  They sound so simplistic that they can't possibly work.  Except they do.  I started with FLYlady as an experiment and was loaded up with skepticism.  Blast the woman...she was right, every single time.  Shining my sink, every night, did make my kitchen look cleaner and make me happier.  I really was more motivated and less likely to curl up on the couch when I had shoes on. Laying out my clothes (and diaperbag!) did make my mornings much smoother.  I hated to admit that she was right with but I LOVED the results in my home.  I could see my kitchen counters! I could see the floor! The laundry wasn't a week-long back log.  My bathrooms were ALWAYS clean!  I no longer had to Sprint of Shame before company came to hid my mess. Even Soldier has noticed the improvement during my first week "back"  and all I was doing was shining my sink and putting out my hot spots!

If you are curious about it, the main website is www.flylady.net. However, I strongly suggest you start with the Baby Steps. It's a 30 day plan to get you FLYing...one teeny, tiny, step at a time.  It's very easy to make teeny changes to your routine over a long period of time and achieve BIG results!  http://www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/31-beginner-babysteps/

Heavy Heart

My grandfather passed away on Sunday after a six month battle with mesothelioma.  It's been heartbreaking to watch as my family struggles to do the right things, to determine what the "right things" are, and to realize how my grandparents have been struggling. 

My grandmother suffers from rheumatoid arthritis and has mobility challenges.  She's struggled with this for many years. She has also been experiencing a rapid decline in her memory.  This came on relatively quickly. In less than four years, she's gone from remembering EVERYTHING to a jumbled mess.  We used to joke that my grandmother kept a secret notebook where she had notes, because she could name off all of my friends, their husbands, how long they had been married, their kids names, when they were born, co-workers, etc.  She remembered every cold we had, every doctor's appointment, social appointment, lunch date or shopping trip we mentioned in passing.  Nowadays, I know she knows who I am, that I am married and have children.  Beyond, that I'm not totally sure.  She is aware that she is confused and forgetful and can be rather sneaky to cover it up.  If I had to classify it, I would say that she has increasing troubles forming long-term memories over the last four years.  But, it seems that recently ever her older memories are getting jumbled.  I can't put a medical diagnosis or a name to her troubles, since she's repeatedly refused doctor's appointments or evaluation.  I waver on whether or not it matters.  The odds are better that's not something that has an easy fix or a magic pill.  She's been leaving the house less and less over the last two years.  We think mobility is an issue. The home is a split level, so she's effectively held hostage by stairs out of the front door and down to the garage.  But, we also think it's partly because she just doesn't feel like it.

My grandfather was the more mobile of the two.  Up until this summer, he was pretty active...putzing around my uncle's ranch (We joked he was "playing farmer" and terrorizing the animals), checking out the latest offerings at the TSC, going to his coffee dates (at the local McDonald's with old buddies from his working days where they gossiped about current happenings at work and how things "used to be"), golfing occasionally and doing most of the errands and food shopping. We think they subsisted on primarily take-out and are probably keeping Papa John's in business during the tough economic times.  It's not ideal and I really objected to it at first, but as my mother said, "They are 80 years old; if eating take out makes them happy, what's the problem?"  I objected because it was unhealthy, but I guess at 80 years old, it's probably not going to do that much harm.  My grandfather had diabetes...though he used to "leave it at home" when he was traveling or dining out.  I think most of us figured he would eat himself (happily, I might add) to the grave and die of complications from his diabetes or congestive heart failure.  He was a man SERIOUS about his food.  I can easily conjure a mental image of him lined up at my grandmother's counter, piling food onto a plate or two, and then sitting at the table in his usual seat hunched over the plate and methodically destroying it. 

Hospice has been assisting in caring for my Grandfather as he wished to remain at home.  My Grandmother helped him when he needed it and when she could.  They repeatedly declined additional help from Hospice and told all of us that they were fine.  My mother flew out right after Christmas and discovered things were not "fine."  She decided to stay with them as my grandfather started declining rapidly and the nurses felt he didn't have much time left.

 My mother has shouldered most of the caregiver burden, not just for my ailing grandfather but also for my cantankerous grandmother.  I have had a very hard time accepting that my ability to help is limited to prayer and encouragement.  I am a DO-er. My Love Languages are Gifts and Acts of Service.  As you can imagine, I've had a very hard time accepting that I am in Germany and unable to assist.  I've agonized over the situation, studied SPACE A flights, looked into furnished condos near them, and rental cars trying to find some sensible way of offering assistance. In the end, it always came back to my kids.  I have three small kids and going to assist my mother and grandparents would be devastating on them, regardless of how I handled it.  Leaving them in Germany with Soldier for an indefinite amount of time would break my heart and theirs. Not only would they miss Mommy but their tiny lives would be upside down since they'd be plunked into daycare while he was at work.  Bringing them with me would have involved pulling them from school, finding some kind of daycare or part time preschool there so I had some respite care and they had a break from my grandparents home, living in a hotel and having our family split for the next six months until Soldier PCS'd from Germany.  And, though I've struggled to put a price on caring for family, this would not be a cheap option -- flights for four, plus a rental car and temporary lodging for six months?  In the end, despite a week of agonizing over this and looking for ways to manipulate the situation, I could not inflict that much upheaval on my children.  It's really uncomfortable to feel like I am choosing between the two groups and I pray I have made the right choices in this process. 

My grandfather's memorial is today.  I've read the obituary and it seems like it's written about someone else, except that the facts are familiar.  I think the truth will become real for me when Soldier and I arrive in Leavenworth this summer and don't see him sitting in his chair or standing at the front window as we drive up.  He was always the first out of the house to welcome us when we visited, as kids or adults.  For now, I am relieved to know that he is not suffering anymore.  Frankly, the descriptions I've read of how mesothelioma attacks the body are pretty horrifying.  The situation is much easier to carry on my heart knowing that he is at peace and that my mother is not alone caring for him.

This moment for remembering him now seems like a small pause in the storm before the next thing comes: figuring out whether or not my grandmother can continue to live independently.  In my heart, I believe she probably can't.  I also believe that she may just prefer to sit in her chair and wait for her turn. I also believe that she will not leave her home without a fight. My grief is also for her, for the fact that she has come to a point where we are discussing "what to do about grandma" and at a loss for a solution that she might be open to - beyond leaving her to sit in her chair indefinitely as she seems to want.  There are plenty of options for her; the trouble is finding one that she might agree to.

We will arrive in Leavenworth in about six months.  My previous visions of that time have fallen away as we've started to grasp the severity of the situation.  Clearly, I was unrealistic to think that she simply needed motivation (ME + Adorable Great Grandbabies!) to leave the house and to make some positive changes.   At this point, I'm not certain what will await us or how I can best serve my family when I arrive.  For now, I am laughing over good memories of my grandfather, grateful to know he is no longer suffering, and holding on to hope that as the stress of my grandfather's illness and passing fade, my grandmother's symptoms will ease and she will regain some clarity and motivation. 

Stuff My Dad Says, the New Years Edition

I've reached that point in my life where I find myself quoting my parents.  I know...Teenage Me would have denied the possibility of this ever happening but...never say never!

As we start the New Year, financial goals are one of the popular New Year's Resolutions: savings, eliminating debt, planning for retirement.  They all involve setting and sticking to a budget. My father's advice on budgeting was this: Pay Yourself First.  As a college student, I really liked this advice and took it to heart. I ALWAYS paid myself first.  I made sure I bought my new boots, new purses and dinners out first and worried about the rest later.  You can imagine how that worked out for me: I ended up like many twenty-somethings with a big ol' nasty pile of debt. But, that's a story for another time. 

By paying yourself first, my father meant that you had to carve out what you wanted/needed to save FIRST.  Set your savings goals, then look at your required monthly expenses and see what you've got leftover.  I think that many folks to this in a different order: Take the income, subtract necessary expenses, subtract some "fun" money and then save what's left over at the end of the month.  Here's the problem...my "fun" money demands are limitless.  There was never anything leftover at the end of the month because there was always something I "needed." (Shoes and a new outfit for Saturday night were necessary, right? I mean, seriously, I have to be "properly" clothed.) I have changed my attitude and my first priority every month and every paycheck is to get the money earmarked for savings OUT of my checking account before I do anything else.

The trick for me was setting realistic savings goals. I'd LIKE to say that I saved a thousands of dollars a month from Day One. But that's not realistic.  Even though "Saving" is generally regarded as a good thing, putting too much away can cause problems. If you can't cover your expenses, you must dip into the savings account to cover the overage or you "float" the over-spending with credit cards the intention of paying it off next paycheck. Once you break the seal on that Savings account, it's waaaaay to easy to take a little "extra" to get through the month or to do it a second time.  Don't go down that path! And, seriously...you KNOW the credit card rarely got paid off at the next paycheck!

It's OK to start small.  There have been plenty of studies that explain why an all or nothing approach is ineffective. (Think about weight loss, exercise regiments, smoking cessation, etc.) If you start shaving off 50% of your income each month without some sensible goal setting and budget scrutiny, you will fail. But, DO START paying yourself first.  Anything is better than nothing.  Start with $20, $100, $5....whatever is comfortable.  Then as you examine your spending and budget, you can make incremental changes to increase your savings without feeling the pain.

I love adjusting the savings rates at pay raise time. For the last few years, the military has received small annual increases every January. It's not a lot, .5%, 1.x%, etc. Regardless of the amount, that is a fantastic time to increase your TSP percentage by just one point.  You won't notice a difference in your paycheck; the raise will off set the increase in your savings. And, really, does a 1% raise really make that big of a difference in your salary each month?  If your basic pay rate is $2000, 1% means you are getting an extra twenty bucks a month. I can't do a whole lot with an extra twenty bucks, but in a year that will be $240 in your savings account. When you do the increase again the next January, you still have $20 going to your savings account plus an additional 1% percent from that year's increase -- and extra $40.  So, you are now saving $60 a month or $720 a year with zero pain. No cutting your spending, you're maintaining your current spending* and  passing the pay raises directly to the savings account.  When bigger increases happen at promotion time or time in service anniversaries,  that's the time to make a bigger jump in the portions that you increase.  Give a hunk to the savings and keep a little for yourself. (Yes, it's OK to throw yourself a bone once in a while!)  It will feel like nothing in the beginning...but $20 does add up over time, both in the savings account and in the amount coming out of your paycheck.

I may cringe and laugh when I find myself quoting my parents, but I'm pretty sure my parents would cringe at the thought of this former Shopaholic dispensing financial advice and encouragement! 

PS: If you haven't started a TSP, now is a great time to get started.  And yes, 1% is totally acceptable! 

*A quick note: When I say "maintaining your current spending,"  I'm assuming you are not charging a couple hundred bucks (or more!) a month on to your credit card. If you are, stop it!  Go back to the drawing board on your budget and start making some tough decisions to make ends meet.   Credit Cards completely negate the point of savings.

Lessons in Cookie Decorating

'Tis the season for holiday cheer and one of my most dreaded tasks: decorating Sugar cookies with the kiddos. My mother did this with us when we were little, so it's a family holiday tradition, yadda-yadda-ya. But here's the thing: I really, really hate doing it. I dread this every year. The mess, the sneezed on cookies, the frosting smashed in shirts/hair/noses, the wasted blobs of frosting, the lack of appreciation for anything artistic, neat or orderly. I'm not proud of this...I wish it was different. But, every year, I grit my teeth, paste on a fake smile and pretend to love cookie baking time. I love my children so much, I tell myself, that I will suffer in silence for them.



There's a "but" coming...ready for it?


But, I never seem to manage to fake it that well. Mommy is so tense, nervous and short-tempered that the activity my children are thrilled with turns to misery quickly. Why? The cookie cutters overlap previously cut shapes and chop off a reindeer's head? The frosting is just a disgusting blob of blue, purple and orange and do you KNOW how much it cost to buy/make all of that?

'Tis the season for holiday cheer and one of my most dreaded tasks: Decorating Sugar cookies with the kiddos. My mother did this with us when we were little, so it's a family holiday tradition, yadda-yadda-ya. But here's the thing: I really, really hate doing it. I dread this every year. The mess, the sneezed on cookies, the frosting smashed in shirts/hair/noses, the wasted blobs of frosting, the lack of appreciation for anything artistic, neat or orderly. I'm not proud of this...I wish it was different. But, every year, I grit my teeth, paste on a fake smile and pretend to love cookie baking time. I love my children so much, I tell myself, that I will suffer in silence for them.

This year, I snapped at Monster Boy over the mess he was happily making on top of a cookie. Why? Did it matter that he used half a tube of red icing on one cookie? Probably not. If I was that worried about money, I would have made the frosting myself rather than buy the tubes. He was reluctant to pick up the icing tubes after Mommy's outburst. I apologized and encouraged him to resume. He carefully picked up the tubes of icing and resumed work. Only, this time he asked me if what he was doing was OK....every step of the way. There was a whole heap of lessons in this moment. 1. My temper made him uncertain of whether or not he was walking on solid ground. 2. My desire for control had killed his joy for the activity. 3. My sense of "right" took away his appetite to explore, create and imagine.

As I sit here and write this, I have no inspiring or uplifting thoughts to temper these heart breaking lessons. My only hope is that I will remember them. I'm thankful for the forgiveness offered by our Heavenly Father, thankful that that I get to try to be a better mother again tomorrow and try to demonstrate His gentleness and forgiveness better to my children.

Icy Sidewalks

Responding to God's instruction when we receive it has really been on my heart lately. It's super easy, in theory. We hear THE WORD and we do it, right? Except, I don't ever get a nice, clear, booming voice from a mountain, an Angel appearing to me or a burning bush. Seriously, If I had that, I feel like it would be much easier to obey. Instead, I have a small voice waaaaay deep inside that talks to me. It's so easy to overlook that voice, to let the voices in my head (hahah) over power it and to let the din of life and the world around me drown it out. But it's scary to follow it. Really scary. He doesn't ask anything nice and simple, right?

There's a big hill here where I go to PWOC every morning. I park at the top, walk down the steep hill to the watchcare building and then hike back up to where PWOC meets. It's a bit of a long walk and it's been snowy and icy lately. This is such a small post that maintenance crews are nearly non-existent and they pretty much stick to the main roads. The chaplain's can be out there the sidewalk so that sidewalk is rather dicey. Every Tuesday, I start praying at the top of the hill as I creep down the icy, snowy sidewalk, clutching my sweet DeeDee in my arms.

It occurred to me during one of these walks that obeying God is like that. No one takes a running leap onto an ice patch..that would just be foolish. We all know that we'd end up sliding across the ice with a bruised behind and maybe a cracked skull. Instead, to get across an icy patch, we have to take it sloooow and easy; we gently step out on to the ice, placing our feet carefully and take teeny, tiny shuffling steps. One foot next to the other, I don't even put one foot all the way in front of the other because that's reaching too far. I test the ground and make sure I'm on solid footing and keeping my balance before taking another step. 

It can be terrifying to obey, because He doesn't generally give us easy things.  He gives us the big, scary, uncomfortable, impossible-to-do-on-our-own tasks. I usually take one of two approaches:  I get so excited that I take off running and sprinting to the finish line in a fit of passion or I'm so overwhelmed with the enormity of that task that I'm paralyzed with fear. I take off down the slipper hill, my feet fly out from under me and I end up bruised and battered or I stand with fear at the top of the hill and miss out because I'm afraid to walk.

I need to remember that I don't need to take any running leaps, I don't need to cover all the distance now, and I don't need to know worry about the bottom of the hill. But I do need to take a step forward; just take a teeny shuffling step in faith and keep my focus on HIM to ensure I am on solid footing.  

Time Warp

My last post was a couple of weeks ago!  Time really seems to escape me lately.  We've settled in nicely to life in Germany. I still wonder exactly what the big kids think about all this.  Bunny Girl seems to think this is very temporary and that we will be returning to Grammie and Grandpa's house soon.  (Little does she know...much sooner than we ever expected!)  Monster Boy seems to be wrapping his head around the differences.  He likes to ask questions about "this world" and "our old world."

We are celebrating our Sweet Baby Girl's First Birthday soon!  The poor child has a very odd nickname around the house:  DeeDee Baby.  DeeDee has pretty much nothing to do with her name.  It is a shorted version of Bunny Girl's mangled pronunciation of her new sisters name...Dee-Dee-Yay-Yah.  And, no there are no Ds or Ys in her actual name, which is why it was so funny to us. A year later, DeeDee seems to have stuck as a nickname.  Monster Boy and Bunny girl refer to her as their little Deeders. Though, I think I prefer DeeDee, if she has to have a nickname.  (For those of you that know me, you know how I feel about nicknames and why!) 

I was recently invited to attend the AWAG conference up in Ansbach on behalf of the National Military Family Association.  It's about a hour and a half from where we are.  I really loved zooming up the autobahn to get there!  Manning a resource table at a conference can be a little tedious.  It's a lot of work to set up, a lot of standing/waiting/boredom, while the attendees are in their sessions and then 10 or 15 minutes of busy when everyone is on break.  However, I was reminded how much I really enjoy interacting with spouses, talking with them about their military life experiences and sharing resources. 

We took a weekend trip to the Garmish-Partenkirchen area earlier this month, too. More on that later!

Unpacking Entertainment

I grew up moving, so I have some first hand knowledge of the packing/unpacking process from a child's perspective.  Though I've done several moves with kids, this was our first move where I didn't have extra family on hand during the unpacking process and I also have two more kids hanging around while unpacking!  So, here are some of my favorite ways to entertain tots while you unpack the house.

1. Sticker Hunt:  I can't take credit for this one. My parents did this with my brother and I when we were little.  It's a great activity for delivery day.  We were each given a hunk of cardboard ripped off of whatever box was handy and sent on a hunt to collect furniture tags.  It was a big competition to see who could collect more and to sweet the deal a bit, my parents use to pay us for each tag we pulled.  I think it was like a penny or nickel per tag or something.  But, when you're little the value doesn't matter much, does it?  The rules were that we had to wait until the furniture had been placed inside the house, so we weren't underfoot while they were bringing it inside and the tags could come from furniture pieces ONLY, not boxes.  (Now that I'm older, I understand why...my parents needed the box tags until the unpacked and made sure the inventory/damages were accurate, haha)

2.  Ration the Toys!   My little friends like to help, but I don't want them unpacking my wedding china.  So, I dig around and find those treasured boxes that say "Toys - Girl's Room" or the like. It's tempting to open all the toys at once to find their favorites, but you must resist!  Any toy will be their favorite when they have none!!!  Try to keep them to opening one box of toys in the morning and one in the afternoon.  You can drag out the "new toy" effect for at least two days that way. It's like Christmas when they start pulling toys out of that box.  You'll be able to power through 4 to 6 boxes in the time it takes them to unpack and play with all the "new again" toys.

3.  Hide and Seek: This classic game is great for packing and delivery days because there are piles of things clumped together all over the house creating all kinds of new nooks and crannies for hiding places. 

4.  Mural Art:  Packing paper is great for making GIANT artwork.  This is a better activity for unpacking days rather than delivery day since there may not be a ton of space to lay out paper and crayons unless you can use the back patio.  Sometimes, the moving crews won't care if you "borrow" a little packing paper to draw on during the packing days, but it really varies with the crews and how carefully they track their supplies. Anyway, if you can, it's a great time to create some Welcome Home signs. 

5.  Fun with Boxes:  You know the drill...kids usually have more fun with the boxes than with what's inside.  And during a move we have soooo many different sizes of boxes!  Great for all kinds of fun.  It's also one of the few times that I have a utility knife handy so I don't mind quickly cutting a door or window or wings into the cardboard for the kids.  Tape is also usually plentiful so you can piece together boxes for tunnels, spaceships, trains, doll beds, etc.

6. Paper Patrol:  When I unpack, I make a mess, particularly in the kitchen and dining room.  I like to get the items out, see what I have and cram it into a cabinet as fast as possible.  The paper ends up getting tossed on the floor wherever.  When the first box is empty, I start cramming the discarded paper in there for easy stacking as it awaits recycle pick-up.  My kids love jumping in my paper piles (think piles of leaves in the fall!).  They have also learned how much fun grape stomping is, so when they are done jumping in the paper, they enjoy stuffing it the box if they get turns stomping.

What are your favorite ways to keep kids occupied while you unpack?

Congratulations!

I’d like to give a big shout-out and congratulations to my mother. She was selected for a new job today. It’s a pretty big promotion for her.

The story could end there since you’re probably wondering why you care that my mother was promoted today.  I’d really like to share her story since I find it inspiring. She married my father at 19. He was a young MP at his first duty station. She was a high school senior.  They fell in love, got married and lived happily ever after, right?  Not quite.  My mother said “Sure, I’ll marry you but I’m NOT going to be one of those Army Spouses that moves every two or three years.”  So, my father left the Army and got a job with Uncle Sam. 

Here’s the punch line to their story:  During my father’s employment with Uncle Sam and my childhood, we generally moved every year.  Yes, that’s every year. I mean literally, every summer on the last day of school we had moving trucks roll up to our home and pack everything up. We lived in the same place for two sequential years three times: when I was in 5^th/6^th grades, 8^th/9^th grades and in 11^th/12^th grades.   My list, though lacking in OCONUS assignments, was pretty extensive before I turned 18:  Kansas, New York, Georgia, Virginia, New Jersey, Illinois, Texas, New Jersey, Connecticut and Virginia.  There were a few repeats, but none in the exact same area or close enough together to be any benefit. 

As you might expect, a woman who married at 19 and spent the next 20 years following her husband around the country didn’t have a chance to complete any college courses.  (Pre-internet and online class days!)  She also didn’t have much of a “professional” career.  Jobs were frequently hard to come by and when you only stayed somewhere 9-12 months, you couldn’t afford to spend six months job hunting.  She worked a variety of jobs but none were particularly glamorous or exciting.  But, she took what she got and kept quietly plugging on.

My father retired young, after 25 years with Uncle Sam.  At the end of his career, he’d been able to “homestead” for a whopping five years…a life-time record for us!  It was then that my mother began her career.  She took a job to get her foot in the door and eventually moved into something she enjoyed within the same department.  She has risen steadily through her department and through the GS ranks. She’s become a reliable and respected subject matter expert and is sought-after for opinions and special taskings.  She makes a solid six figure paycheck and is just a few years away from earning her own retirement with Uncle Sam. 

But…remember…she is the spouse that followed her man.  She “gave up” her dreams and ambitions for love. She took whatever employment she found (certainly, no dream jobs!) and quit when the next move came. She sacrificed in many of the same ways we do as Military Spouses.  Yet she has triumphed. 

When I feel down because I’m frustrated at my decreased earning potential, my dismal job opportunities and the difficulties I face in continuing my education, I don’t have to look far for inspiration and reassurance.  My mother provides it for me.  She succeeded by being patient, putting her head down and doing the very best she could in whatever role she was given.  She waited for her turn. 

If you are troubled as you wait for your turn, spend some time reading Psalm 37.  Trust Him. Be Still for Him. Do Good Things. Wait for Him. And GOOD will come to you.