Big changes are coming to our household this year...We've decided to take a giant leap of faith and will be homeschooling our MonsterBoy and Bunny Girl.
It's not easy for me to share that here -- outing ourselves as homeschoolers. I'm writing this now, nearly a month after we made the decision, only because I've come to some peace with it. We made this decision knowing that our extended family members and some of our friends will have varying reactions. It's not easy to "go against the flow." Homeschooling has come a LONG way since I first heard of it. (In fifth grade, a friend was pulled from school to be homeschooled and the general concensus was "Horrible, terrible, awful idea.") My views of homeschooling have changed dramatically over the last four years, thanks to some dear friends setting a great example for us. I'm so very, very grateful for these ladies and their kind, loving and non-judgemental support, their honest advice and opinions, and their never-ending patience in answering my ba-zillion questions as we waded through this decision-making process. I am thankful that I can rely on their enthusiastic support and encouragement this year. Reactions have varied among our extended family. Some have withheld judgement and comment so I can't gauge their reaction which is probably a blessing. Some have pledged whole-hearted support, even if I suspect they may not be or may not have been totally on board. (But, can I just say how grateful I am for that unconditional love?) Some have expressed bewilderment nad have peppered us with questions about the process; we've tried to answer as honestly as possible. (Even if the answers are "Um. Yeah, we're going to figure that out as we go.") And, sadly, some have been negative reactions; this has been the hardest to deal with, of course. (My impulse is toward sarcasm. "Oh...thank you for pointing that out. I had not realized how [insert adjective: hard, exhausting, trying, challenging, time-consuming, etc] it would be." Mature, I know. That's why I try to keep my comments in my head.)
I'd like to say, first off, that this decision is NOT a judgement on schooling choices, for anyone. It's merely a reflection of our general parenting philosphy: There's a wide range of normal and acceptable ways to parent our children; we each must make decisions we believe are best for our family and make sure they are decisions we can live with. We believe that homeschooling is simply one of the wide range of options available to us for educating our children.
My dear homeschooling mama friends helped to set me straight on a few homeschooling myths and I am grateful.
1. Most homeschool families aren't in a cult and don't have crazy conspiracy theories about public school brainwashing children.
2. My friends also don't wear denim jumpers. (You might be ridiculed beyond belief and labeled "80's Flashback" if you do.)
3. They like fashion, make-up, going to the movies, listening to music, enjoying desert and a glass of wine. You know, normal stuff.
4. Their children are, in a word, awesome. The homeschool kids I know are well-socialized,
outgoing, poised, individuals and generally have a better grasp on
holding a conversation with people of diverse backgrounds, ages,
interests than most kids.
5. I've also learned that most of my friends
don't have a background in education, college isn't a deciding factor,
nor is having been homeschooled themselves. Most were not homeschooled,
in fact. Some knew before their kids were born they would homeschool. Some decided after school started and wasn't a good fit. Others were
more like me: reluctant, semi-unwilling skeptics.
For
us, we chose homeschooling because it seems to make sense for us to try
right now. We have toyed with the idea for the last few years, but did not share this with many people. We have no clue whether this will be a forever thing and frankly
that's waaaaaay too much pressure to deal with at this point. So, we've simply made this decision for RIGHT NOW. Literally, a month to month basis. Worst Case Scenario: In a few months, we call this a failed experiment and we put him in school. He's bright enough and has enough knowledge and skills under his belt that we probably won't ruin his chances at Harvard in Kindergarten.
This started because we worried that MonsterBoy would not do well in a traditional
school environment. We saw this in preschool and had one outstanding
teacher that helped us identify the cause. He's very high energy and had been labeled a trouble-maker by his previous preschool teachers. We'd get
reports that he was bothering the other kids and being disruptive.
Finally, last year, when I asked his teacher about this she laughed and
said, "No, he's not a trouble maker...he's very, very bored. He picks
up the new material in two minutes, finishes his worksheet about three
minutes later and then has 20 minutes to be bored while the other kids
finish their work." She was incredible and did extra work to plan additional assignments
and learning tasks for him, so he stayed engage. Once this started, we didn't have a
single problem or complaint. He LOVED school. Unfortunately, our experience has been that exceptional teachers like hers are true gems -- rare, precious and not always available. Sadly for us, she was promoted to Director of the
preschool programs in halfway through last year. Suddenly, MonsterBoy reverted to old behaviors and we started
getting the same reports each day from his new teachers about his disruptions and bothering the
other children. I coached MonsterBoy to ask his teachers for paper and crayons
to entertain himself while the otehr kids were working. This worked to occupy him but it
always made me a little sad when he came home with 8-12 elaborate
vehicle sketches; it seemed like such a wasted opportunity. We worry
that this pattern will repeat itself over the next few years and that he
will be labeled a trouble-maker, or worse. I'm not saying he's brilliant or the next Einstein, just that he works at a different pace than some other students. With homeschooling, we have the flexibility to move as fast or as slow as needed. If I'm picking his course work, I can select levels that challenge him. I've selected a mix of kindergarten and first
grade work for this year, because I believe he can do it.
The other big
factor in this is the "Army-ness." There are several compelling Army-related reasons for us. First, I grew up a product of moving
schools each year. Generally, it was fine but I did experience some of
the troubles of switching school districts and curriculum so frequently. If we continue this for several years, we have the benefit of a consistent learning plan.
We also don't have to worry about whether or not the school district in a new location will have programs or educational offerings suitable to him. Second, Army schedules are unpredictable. We never know when Soldier will
have time off, beyond two designated block leave periods that are generally
during the most expensive travel weeks of the year. With four kids, we
can't afford that! Since I control the class schedule, I can plan a week off
in February to visit family when flights are cheap. If Soldier's in the
field for a month, I can pack up our books and skip town for several
weeks to visit family. This year, I'm doing a eight week on, one week off schedule so I
have time to regroup and reassess while we experiment. I'm also
scheduling a month long break in December when Baby #4 arrives. We will
still get the same number of instructional days as the public
school. The upside: I can accomplish in 2-4 hours a day when it takes a
school 7-8 hours to do because I'm only managing one kid.
The last reason for this decision is something I referenced earlier. While I don't have some big conspiracy theory about public schools, I do
question their ability to meet my son's educational needs needs and keep him safe and happy.
We won't always have outstanding teachers and we won't always have
diligent staff members watching our kids at the schools and on the
buses. He won't always have someone who realizes if he isn't mastering a subject. I'm not knocking public school...I'm just saying
that I am aware of both the strengths and weaknesses. In general, I
find it very troubling that the US has the highest per capita
expenditures on public education yet we have some of the most dismal
results. There's a big disconnect for me. We've looked into private
school and discovered a couple of things. First, private schools do not
always have "better teachers" or better programs. Second, with four kids
we will NOT be able to float that bill!
I won't lie and pretend this was an easy decision for us. First and foremost: I
worried that I wasn't "enough" for this: not smart enough, not
organized enough, not disciplined enough, not creative enough, sooooo
not patient enough, etc, etc, etc. Those were some HUGE fears for
me...especially patience and organization. What if I lost my cool every
day or I never got a single thing done?? On the selfish side, I also was reluctant to give
up what little free time I have. I don't have much, but it was nice to
grocery shop with one kid when the other two were at preschool. Over the last 8 years of Army Life, I've enjoyed participating in activities like PWOC, the
spouses' clubs, FRGs and other volunteer outlets. I'm not certain I will have time
for all of that. I had ambitions of seeing the inside of a gym
later this year and actually trying to regain a shape other than round
and jiggly after this baby. I also wanted to go back to school myself
at some point and maybe rejoin the workforce that receives pay for our
work someday. I felt like I was giving up a lot. And sometimes I
still do. This is where my friends came in...turns out they all feel
like that. Several shared their personal struggles and dreams; I'm fortified knowing that I'm not alone in my feelings. I'm also encouraged in knowing that normal woman can do this and they still have social lives, hopes, dreams and ambitions. More to the point on school, work and the gym: If I'm being honest, those were
all a long way off anyway with #4 coming. So, worrying about that is borrowing trouble.
In the end, we're experimenting this year to see if it works for us. MonsterBoy is bright and has learned a lot in preschool. We're giving it a whirl. If it works, awesome. If it doesn't, no big deal and we'll enroll him in school whenever we need to. I am confident enough in our ability to muddle through that I don't think he'd be terribly behind if that happened. So, onward we go with our grand experiment. I don't have all the answers yet, but we've chosen our curriculum, sketched out a school calendar and a daily routine. The rest, I plan to make up as we go on!
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