I’ve
been a mother to a girl for three years and a mother to two girls for one
year. Having daughters has had me
mulling over the issue of healthy body image, pretty much since we were told
GIRL during the ultrasound. Before each child was born, I’ve spent time
thinking about what they would be like and what I wanted to teach them. With my first, I focused on general life
skills. I wanted to teach them about love, kindness, compassion, critical
thinking and integrity. With my second,
my daughter, I wanted her to have all of that but I realized I wanted her to be
self-assured both in her personality and mental fortitude but also secure in
the strength of her physical self. For each of my girls, I can’t say that I
didn’t hope she would be pretty or that I hoped she wouldn’t struggle with
weight. I did…and I feel like it’s
natural to wish unpleasantness or hurt feelings far away from our sweet
children. I just didn’t want these things to be barriers to their happiness.
I
struggled with determining how to teach this to my girls. Especially after each of my sweet girls was
born and I stood in from of my mirror each morning, poking my flabby belly and
stretched out boobs. It was hardest
after BunnyGirl was born. I had more
stretch marks and had gained more weight.
It took longer for me to lose the weight from her and it seemed like my
hips had permanently shifted. She nursed
longer and more ravenously than her older brother. I had trouble keeping up
with the calorie demands and lost weight rapidly the last couple of
months. When she was weaned, I was left
with two withered, deflated balloons on my chest in lieu of boobs, I saw bony and my clothes hung off of me.
I
wish I could say that I triumphed, learned to love myself, developed healthy
exercise routines and became a brand new me, but that’s not true. I rolled over
and played dead. I ignored the
problem. Eventually, the weight
disappeared, the skin’s elasticity (mostly) returned. WOW, right? I lost all that baby weight and
didn’t do a thing? I must be soooo
lucky. Yup. Great.
Only problem was: I didn’t like myself any better than before. Before, I was too fat and squishy from having
a baby. Now, I was too skinny, too bony, and still had saggy skin on my
belly. Oh the irony…to first be troubled
because I was too fat and then to be too skinny.
One
morning, reality hit me right in the face when my sweet 2 year old ran up,
grabbed my belly and said “Squishy mommy!” as I was getting dressed. She then lifted her shirt and poke her
perfectly round baby belly the same way I did and used the “F” word. (The three letter one: Fat.)
How
could I teach my girls to love themselves, imperfections and all, when I
couldn’t extend the same love to myself?
Ouch.
Over
and over since becoming a mother, I’ve been faced with the reality that there
are no shortcuts in parenting. I can’t
teach my two year old to control his temper if I can’t control mine. I can’t teach them to love vegetables, if I
never eat them myself. I can’t teach them patience, if I have none for
them. I can’t teach them to love and
accept their healthy bodies when I don’t love mine.
I
tried to focus on the good. My body,
stretch marks and sagginess (especially where I had that unfortunate belly ring
as a college student), grew three beautiful children. Big ones, at that. My body was able to give birth to them
easily. My sad, saggy boobs had created milk for over 41 months and had
nourished and provided comfort to three babies.
My hands held tiny hands, smoothed back feathery-fine baby hair and
stroked soft baby cheeks. My voice sang
lullabies that were comforting to them. To my little boy and little girl, I am the
most beautiful woman in the world, right now and just as I am. Can’t that be enough?
It
is and yet, it isn’t. It wasn’t enough
for me because I knew that deep down, I could do more. This is where I draw the
line between beauty and health. I can
live with my imperfections; I can use makeup, clever undergarments and
flattering clothes to feel beautiful. I can bury negative comments for my daughters’
sake and teach them to feel beautiful. But,
it wasn’t beauty that was the important thing. More than beauty, I want them to be healthy, in
both mind and body. That doesn’t come
from pep-talks and encouragement.
I
have realized that I am not healthy and am not modeling a healthy lifestyle for
them. I’m not caring for myself the way
I would want them to care for themselves. I don’t value myself enough to place
my health and well-being as a priority and that is NOT an example I want them
to have. I don’t mean taking “me”-time
for a haircut or a massage, though that’s surely a nice morning out and a good
mental break. I mean the hard, ugly work
it takes and the unpleasantness that comes with really, truly exercising. Just as there are no shortcuts in parenting,
there are no shortcuts to exercise. No
DVD, no contraption, no machine is going to replace actually doing something
with your arms and legs. It may be
unpleasant and it may not be fun, but I need to change the way I treat my body…image
and physical form…for my children’s sake.
Part
Two: Practicing What I Preach and Making Time
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